Tag Archives: unconditional love

Man I Suck!

9 Sep

Ok, most people like to talk about what they do well.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE talking about myself and what I rock at, but I also see the need to talk about failures as well.  If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that I try to be transparent and honest.  So here goes…

I suck at keeping up with my…wait for it…daily devotional!  There, I said it.  What?!?! I can hear you shrieking out in horror right now.  But Katie, you say, you moved to Austin to help plant a church, your blogs are always talking about God’s love, you’re such a godly woman, you go to church, you’re so awesome, what do you mean you suck at devotionals?!?

Well, thank you for your kind words, but it’s true.  I started the IF:EQUIP daily devotional several months ago when it originally started.  They send you an email with a chunk of scripture to read and then you watch a 3-5 minute video of awesome ladies (Jen Hatmaker, Christine Caine, Angie Smith and Lauren Chandler just to name a few) talking about what they got from it.  I love this because it doesn’t take very long and you get to hear how someone read the same exact thing and got something totally different from it; it’s kinda like 2 devotionals for the price of one.  However, I still have a heck of a time doing it.

I got so far behind that I just stopped.  Then I felt like a bad christian and started back up, but again, got behind.  I have since started for a third time and I’m doing 2 a day to catch up.  When I decided to stay home, I had grand illusions of all the things I wanted to do since I wouldn’t be at a desk job 8-5. I have forgotten how babies are time suckers!  Fingers crossed I’ll keep up this time.

The devil loves that I don’t spend time each morning doing my devotional.  He loves the fact that I keep quitting.  He basks in the glory of my epic devotional failure.  But it’s also a slap in his face when I start back up.  I may not do it each morning, but I’m trucking along and learning and spending time with God.

God isn’t tracking my devotional minutes and shaking his head in disgust.  No, God loves the time I spend with him.  God loves me regardless of my devotional tract record.  His love is unconditional and isn’t based on my actions or who I am.  His love is based on his actions and what he already did. Most “church people” memorize John 3:16 when they are a child “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son so that whoever believes in him will have eternal life.”  I think this verse is so common we forget how ridiculously amazing it is.  God loves us and all he asks in return is for us to love him.  We don’t have to jump through hoops, all we have to do is love.

 

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you..welcome to my brain.

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How He Loves

23 May

So there’s this song that used to make me cry every time I heard it, well not every time but 90% of the time.  (No, it’s not the Christmas Shoe song.  I know this song touches a lot of people, but I guess my heart is a little too cold.)  The first time was years ago when I dropped my daughter off on my way to work.  You see, I had been home with her for 7 months and I was going back to work.  It’s not like I was dropping her off at a day care where she didn’t know anybody; I dropped her off with my mother-in-law, so I knew she was in great hands.  I drove off and this song came on and I cried my eyes out.  I’m not talking cute cry, I’m talking ugly, snot slinging cry.

I felt horrible.  I felt guilty for going back to work, heartbroken that my mother-in-law would spend more time with her than I would, guilty for not enjoying every single second I had with her – let’s be honest, potty training sucks but I was looking back and remembering pee spots with fondness.  I’m a momma and when my “momma guilt” kicks in, it kicks in heavy.

When we decided to leave our very comfortable life (good paying jobs, home, family, insurance) in San Angelo, Tx and move to Austin, Tx (where we had no jobs, no home, no family nor insurance) I would cry even harder whenever I heard the same song.

I wouldn’t cry because it’s sad.  I cried because it’s about God’s beautiful love for us.  I cried because we moved away from family (Brandn’s mom, my mom, my sister-in-law) people I miss dearly.  But because God loves me, He provided friends that became family.  Even though we didn’t have insurance, God provided by keeping us safe and healthy.

The crying has since stopped…until last Sunday that is.  We were at church and the worship team sang it.  I was there with my husband and holding my 5 week old daughter and the tears started again.  Every good and perfect gift is from God and there I was with my latest gift, my baby girl.  I waited a long time for her and shed a lot of “I want a baby” tears in the 6.5 years between the births of my girls.

If I were to step back and look at my life, I would see how God never left my side; even when I didn’t see Him, feel Him or when I turned my back on Him.  His hand has been all over my life and it’s a beautiful reminder of how much He loves me….and you.

Some people find it hard to believe that God loves them.  We project our worldly understanding of love onto Him.  It’s hard to grasp the immense love God has for us because we haven’t experienced that kind of love from people.  When people who are supposed to love us and make us feel safe hurt us it taints our understanding of love.  How can you understand true love when your father was absent, your mother abandoned you, your grandfather did horrible things to you, your step-dad was mean, your spouse abused you?  It doesn’t make sense.

Let me tell you…God loves you.  The Bible says “We love Him because He loved us first.”  He loved us first, that’s it.  Not because of anything we did or will do.  He simply loves us.  He knows every thing that is ugly and true about us.  He knows every unspoken thought.  He doesn’t hold anything against us. It’s an unconditional love and it’s pure and true.

I look at my girls and I love them so much it hurts; there is no possible way I could love them any more.  I think of all the parents who have lost children and it kills me.  I pray all the time for God to protect my girls because if anything ever happened to them I would seriously go crazy.  And then I think God loves me way more than I love my girls and that blows my mind!!  He simply loves me because I’m me.

And He  loves you because you are you.

Get comfy for the next 4 minutes and watch this and let the words sink in.

 

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.