Tag Archives: Stay Home Mom

Some Weeks Just Suck

13 Dec

This time of year can be hard for some.  Holidays are made to be shared with loved ones, but what happens when that loved one is gone?  How do you celebrate when you wife, husband, child, or (fill in the blank) is missing from the party?  Do you put on a smile and fake it till you make it or do you hide out in a dark room and avoid all contact with the outside world?

This week has been really hard for me; December 9th is the 2nd anniversary of my mom’s unexpected death and December 12th is her birthday.  Add to that a 29 week pregnancy doctor’s appointment where I had to drink the nasty Fruit Punch Glucose crap, a weigh-in realizing I have already gained the total weight of my last pregnancy and I still have 11 more weeks to go AND the fact that I got a hair cut that didn’t turn out the way I wanted!  This called for a major pity-party and let me tell you, pity-parties are the best parties I throw.

This week I find myself living in a world of regret.  You see, my mom and I didn’t have the best relationship.  I spent half of my life hating her.  I allowed hurt and anger to boil up inside me and build a wall.  When I was young it was easy to blame everything on her.  Things like “I was just a child…she was the adult…she should have reached out..I did nothing wrong” filled my mind and I found comfort in blaming her.

But then Jesus…

I started to realize that Jesus didn’t die on the cross so I would spend my life hating her.  When he cried out “It is finished” over 2000 years ago what he meant was “Katie.  This ugly bitterness inside you is finished; it’s time to forgive.”  If Jesus could forgive the friends that betrayed him and the people that killed him, I can forgive as well.

It wasn’t easy and it took years.  Romans 12:2 played a big part: Do not be conformed to the image of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  The renewing of MY mind.  Yes, the world told me it was ok to hate her, but Jesus said to renew MY mind…this means I have to take ownership of my thoughts and feelings…gross!  Who wants to do that?  I literally chanted “the renewing of my mind, the renewing of my mind, the renewing of my mind” every time I felt the ugliness rising up in me.  I had to face that fact that I’m an adult now and if I want things to change, I can’t keep doing the same things.  (Duh, mind blowing I know.)  I had to change my tone of voice, body language and even my posture while talking to her.  I had to realize she did the best she could.

When she died, our relationship wasn’t perfect but it was better than what it previously was.  I look back and get sad for the part I played in the “complicated relationship.”  Nothing is ever 100% someone else’s fault.  We ALL play a part in conflict.  If we want it resolved, we have to do some self reflection, realize our part and change our behavior.  It’s not easy, but necessary if you want change.

If you have some one you need to forgive, let me encourage you to do it!  It will be hard and it won’t be overnight but it’s so worth it.  Don’t spend another day with that wall up, start knocking those bricks out.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

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Unplug

12 Aug

We have become a society enslaved to technology and social media, therefore, I declare it’s time to unplug!

Yes, I realize you are reading this on a PC, laptop, a phone or some sort of iThingy, so please wait till you’re done reading to go unplugged. I am guilty of this so this isn’t a blog where I point my finger at everyone else and tell you how bad you are. No, I am guilty as well.

Summer vacation is over in 2 weeks (let me tell you this Stay Home Mom is eagerly counting down the days till first day of school.) My 7.5 year old daughter has been reading her booty off and winning prizes at the local library. Her last prize was a coupon for a free kid’s meal at, well I’m not sure I can say the name. Lets just say they have the BEST Southwestern Egg-rolls and back in 2002 N’Sync did a commercial singing about baby back ribs…you’re welcome. 😉

It’s been a while since we ate there and I was shocked to see they had touch screens on the table to read the menu and pay your bill. My daughter noticed they had games for $.99 on there as well. She asked if she could play one. Sorry sweetie, no. But I can’t just say no. I had to give her a 5 minute lecture about how that’s one of the problems with our society today. People are addicted to technology and we can’t even sit and eat with our family without have some kind of device in our hand stealing our attention. I told her dinner is a perfect time for us all to sit together and talk. Then my husband chimed in and told her “you’re welcome for having such good parents that love you and want to talk to you.” She just looked at me like, actually she wasn’t looking at me, she was blankly staring at something over my head.

I looked around at several of the tables and kids were playing on the touch screen and parents were on their own phones and no one was talking. No sharing of stories. No laughing. No pouring out of one’s soul. No dreaming for the future. Nothing. This made me sad. Sad for the kids who were missing out on learning from their parents. Sad for the parents missing out on what’s going on in their teen-age daughter’s life.

Now, I’m gonna be honest right now. We also had our 15 month old daughter who was being vocal in a not so cute way and I would have GLADLY paid someone $.99 to come and entertain her.

I realize the appeal of technology. I understand that technology and quiet kids go hand in hand. I know that when I allow my daughter to play games on my phone I have 30 minutes of quiet time. That’s right, I said my phone. She doesn’t have a phone or a Kindle or an iPad of her own and I limit her time playing games on mine.

I’m not judging you as a parent if your kids have their own technological devices. There is nothing wrong with that. All I’m saying is lets unplug for a while. Parents, sit down and talk with your kids. Ask them how their day was and when they say “good” don’t just take that as an acceptable answer. Ask them why it was good. Ask them open ended questions and allow them to ask you questions. Kids are like a sponge and when you pour time into them, they respond.

Happy talking!

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain!

34

16 Jun

Last week I turned 34. 

It didn’t hit me hard, which is good, because I wasn’t anticipating it would.  It was just another day, well almost, the only difference was this day revolved around me.  😉 

I woke up early.  No excuses today.  I had a point to prove; I had to 34 who’s boss.  I vetoed sleeping late and breakfast in bed and ran 5 miles.  While running, I think and pray but mostly try not to fall because I’m too busy singing and dancing to my “Spice Girls” station on Pandora.  I don’t care what my husband says its the best station ever!  It plays everything from NKOTB to Destiny’s Child to Justin Timberlake to Paula Abdul…pure greatness!

My husband bought me running shoes for my birthday.  It’s like pulling teeth to get me to buy a new pair.  I will run them into the ground till my toes are about to fall off before I get new ones.  I found a beautiful, full priced, pink pair but decided to look at the clearance wall because that’s what I do.  I found the same shoe for $20 less but it was blue.  I hate paying full price for anything but I really wanted the pink pair.  My husband knew there was an internal conflict commencing in my brain and he MADE me get the pink ones…I’m glad he did because they are amazing.  I ran 5 miles the next day as well and decided to cash in my free birthday drink from Starbucks.  Thanks to social media, I snapped a picture and shared it with the whole world. lol

birthday shoes

34 has been good to me.  I have 2 daughters and a wonderful husband who works hard so I can stay home with them.  13 years ago when I was off earning my Bachelor’s Degree I never expected to be a stay home mom.  Some days are hard and I think I’m crazy for wanting another baby.  Some days are a cake walk and I think I can handle 5 more.  It’s funny how life turns out.  Just when we think we’ve got it figured out something gives.

Noting in this life is sure, there are no guarantees.  The only constant we have is God’s love.  No matter what gets thrown at us, what takes our breath away, or what drops us to our knees, we can rest in the fact that we are not alone.  God is with us.  He fights our battles for us when we are too weak.  He loves us.  He sees us and will never leave us.

Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid and do not panic before them.  For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you.  He will never fail you or abandon you.  Deut 31:6.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Bubble Wrap

8 Jun

Our TV has been going out for months.  Half of the screen goes black, you have to bang the heck out of the bottom, right corner.  If you’re lucky that fixes it, but usually it just causes the screen to flip and the opposite side goes black.  My husband has been trying to convince me we need a new one.  We don’t watch a lot of TV so I can totally deal with only watching half a screen.  Every time he mentions it, “1st world problem” and “I’m pretty sure no parent in Africa has ever uttered those words, ever!” comes out of my mouth.  Then it happened, all of a sudden the screen went from normal to a brilliant display of orange and yellow and then it was no more.  I was sad because the hubs was changing the baby’s diaper and he missed the final moment.

My living room floor is covered in a layer of bubble wrap and there is a new and bigger TV hanging on my wall, I lost the argument.  But I refuse to budge on the “We Don’t Need Cable” stand I took 6 years ago.

My girls have been digging the bubble wrap for the last several hours.  The big one has been popping, stomping, rolling and making contests of who can pop the most bubbles the fastest.  The baby is just happy playing peek-a-boo.  I had fun popping them for about 10 minutes but now I’m totally over the constant noise.

FullSizeRender

This got me thinking, isn’t bubble wrap just like life?  Something so fun and exciting can quickly turn into something so irritating.  How often do we start something new (exercising or eating healthy or a new daily routine) and we’re so gung-ho, but it’s harder than we anticipated and it quickly turns into a pain in the butt and we get discouraged and stop?

I run.  I love working up a sweat and when I hear my running app tell me I’m on mile 4, I feel so accomplished.  As much as I love it tho, I can talk myself out of running in a heartbeat.  Getting motivated is the hardest part but once I’m dressed in my running clothes, it’s game on.

If you’re starting something new, good luck, I wish you success!  You’ll have days where you want to quit.  You’ll have days where the pain is just too much.  If you’re here, I want to encourage you to stick with it.  Take a step back and remember why you decided to start in the first place.  The results will be worth the pain, I promise!

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Pat Yourself on the Back

3 Jun

Today I was texting my pastor (well, he’s more than a pastor, he’s my friend, mentor, husband to a dear friend, father to amazing kids, Jesus lover and world changer)…anyway…I gave him a compliment for working so hard on our church’s new website.  The funny thing is, he wasn’t looking for a compliment and almost didn’t take it.  Sometimes compliments catch us by surprise.  Sometimes we don’t think we deserve them.  Sometimes we desperately crave one but no one is there to offer one.

If you don’t know this about me, I’m a Stay Home Mom.  I went into labor at work (was in denial so I drove myself to the hospital only to find out I was dilated to a 6) and never returned after my maternity leave.  It wasn’t planned it just happened.

I spend my days with a 13 month old while the big one’s at school (Summer Break starts in 2 days so I’m soaking in my last 48 hours of 1 child at my heels all day long.)  It only took a year, but I feel like I finally got this stay home mom thing down. The baby sleeps through the night now (angels sing hallelujah) which is a game changer and I can take on the world!  I can breath again, I finally stopped be a sleep-deprived-crank-monkey and started being silly again.  And now we’re gonna mess it up because we’re trying for another baby.

Today is Wednesday and Wednesday nights are hectic.  I rush home after the big one gets out of dance practice and throw something on the stove for dinner, we scarf it down then my husband runs out the door for worship practice.  Well, I planned ahead today.  I’m making Sloppy Joes for dinner; fancy, I know.  It’s 10 am I just chopped the onion, bell pepper and mushrooms because I knew I wouldn’t have time tonight.  I put the container of veggies in the fridge and stood there smiling feeling pretty proud of myself…this must be what Edmund Hillary felt like after conquering Mt Everest!

I look around and no one is here to join in my celebratory dance.  No one is here to say good job Katie or give me a hi-five.  No one is here to see that I just saved me 15 minutes of precious time in dinner preparation.  This is my company right now, and I’m not about to wake that sleeping giant:

Willow

Dear mamma out there about to pull your hair out.  I know you have days where you feel unnoticed or unappreciated. I know you have days where you spend all day taking care of a young child, or maybe your day is spent taking care of an elderly parent, and you just feel unseen.  I know, I have days like that too.

The truth is you are seen.  You are noticed.  YOU.ARE.LOVED.  You are the daughter of a heavenly king and He sees everything you do.  He created the awe inspiring beauty of the stars down to the subtle beauty of a daisy and He created you.  He knew you from the beginning of time and has loved you ever since!

God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.  I’m an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.  You know when I leave and when I get back; I’m never out of your sight.  You know everything I’m going to say before I start the first sentence.  I look behind me and you’re there, then up ahead and you’re there, too – your reassuring presence, coming and going.  This is too much, too wonderful – I can’t take it all in!  Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight?  If I climb to the sky, you’re there! If I go underground, you’re there!  If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, You’d find me in a minute – you’re already there waiting!  Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I’m immersed in the light!”  It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.  Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb.  I thank you, High God – you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration – what a creation!  You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.  Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.  Your thoughts – how rare, how beautiful! God, I’ll never comprehend them!  I couldn’t even begin to count them – any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you! – Psalm 139:1-18 The Message
All those little things you do today that will go unnoticed, they’re noticed.  Sometimes we get too busy to point them out or say thank you so I’m gonna say it.  Mamma, thank you for all you do, go ahead and pat your self on the back, you deserve it!  Tonight, when you tuck a sweet one in and steel one last kiss and hear a sleepily whispered “I love you,” breathe that moment in.  You worked hard today.  You loved and that’s what matters.
Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Stop Thinking!

28 May

Me: “Good thing you don’t have homework tonight; you’ll need to get ready for dance as soon as you get home from school.”

7 year old daughter, Danica: “Ugh grrrr, hmmm”

Me: “Um, is there a werewolf in the back seat?”

Danica: “No…”

Me: “Ok, do you want to tell me why you’re growling?”

Danica: “The dance recital is coming up and I’m afraid I’ll mess up.”

Me: “Oh baby, I mess up all the time.”

Danica: “I know.”

Me: “Thanks for that. The only perfect person who ever walked this earth was whom?”

Danica: “Jesus.”

This happened a few days ago and I can’t stop thinking about it.  Did I handle it correctly?  How do I validate her feelings while trying to calm her fears?  How do I tell her it’s normal to be scared yet reassure her everything will be ok?  How do I turn this everyday conversation into a meaningful, heartfelt one?

Well first, I stop thinking because I can think myself into a headache.  And when I have a headache I want a Coke, and I don’t need a Coke, so stop thinking Katie!

All I can do is listen.  I’m great listener but a not so good calmer.  My first response it to say “calm down killer.  In the grand scheme of life your dance recital won’t make one bit of difference.”  This is usually when my husband steps in and reminds me that in her 7 year old world, this isn’t just a big deal, it’s the only deal.  I try to focus on the big picture so much that I forget the small moments matter because they make up the big picture.

I hope I’m not the only mamma out there struggling with this.  I hope I’m not the only one who worries that I trample over her feelings, that I give bad advice or that I gave advice when all she wanted was a hug.  I tell her “when life gets hard, shake your booty.”  I try so hard to make her tough that I forget she’s 7 and just wants me to wipe her tears and kiss her elbow.

To all the mammas out there (and the papas, I know a few of you read my blog) you’re doing a great job!  Stop thinking and just be.  Be the listener, the advice giver and the hugger.  If you mess up, be the parent that says you’re sorry.  Relax and just breathe; your kids think you’re way better than you think you are.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Miles of Calfs

16 Feb

February 15, 2015.

The day after Valentine’s Day. Exactly 10 months after I pushed an 8 pound, 7 oz baby from my body.  It’s also the day I ran my first Half Marathon!  I say “first” because I.WILL.DO.IT.AGAIN.  My friend ran the full marathon, she’s crazy, she’s also pictured below.  I ran the half, therefore I’m only half crazy.  Logic enough…moving on!

It was so amazing.  15,000 people gathered in downtown Austin to run, sweat and cuss together. I felt pretty darn good around mile 6 and I thought maybe I won’t turn off at mile 10 for the half and I’ll keep trucking along with my friend and run all 26.2 miles.  This was a fleeting thought and then I came to my senses.  I gave her a hi-5 at the split and went on my jovial way to the finish line….duces sucker!  I say that with love.  She knows I’m in awe of her and think she’s awesome!

When I run, I look at the road about 10 feet in front of me.  So this means I saw 13.1 miles of calfs.  All kinds of calfs show up to run a marathon and for your reading pleasure I’ll give you a glimpse into my mind while staring at them:

-Wow, those calfs are shiny.

-She has perfect calfs, I wished my calfs liked like that.

-Ewww, he needs to wax.  I wonder if his bed is covered in body hair.

-Those socks are awesome.

-What a cool tattoo…I want a tattoo.

-I don’t get that tattoo.

-I think those are the biggest calfs I have ever seen.

-That chick is barefoot.  She looks like a hippie, she needs a hula-hoop.

Don’t judge me.  I was running and the blood was flowing to my legs not my brain.  After 10 miles I was tired so it was perfect timing when I saw my husband and girls right after the split; their cheering was a very appreciated boost to finish the last 3 miles.  I saw my daughter waving at someone other than me and I thought who in the world would my 7 year old daughter know running in a marathon.  It turns out her teacher was in front of me and I spend the next 3 miles stalking the ladies with long brown hair; I never found her.

Take a look at your calfs.  They are yours and no matter what thought is running through your head, I hope you find them beautiful.  We are so judgmental and usually our toughest critique, I know I am.  You may look at your body right now and think you’re too big or thin and want to change it.  That’s ok!  There is no harm in wanting to be healthy but first we have to get our brains healthy.  We have to be able to look at ourselves and not hate what we see.  We have to love ourselves before we can truly love others.  You are beautiful.  Smile and be happy today.

Before.

Before.

Getting a hi-5 from my daughter at mile 10.  Photo cred to my husband.  I told him if he takes a pic I better look good and not shlumpy and gross...he did good. lol

Getting a hi-5 from my daughter at mile 10. Photo cred to my husband. I told him if he takes a pic I better look good and not shlumpy and gross…he did good. lol

After Marathon

After

Thanks for allowing me to share  my world with you…welcome to my brain.