Tag Archives: SAHM

Grab a Bottle

28 Dec

I have a 9 year old daughter.  She makes me a better person. I thank God every night that he chose me to be her mom, that I get to love her and kiss her anytime I want (If you see the cute little boy from Sweet Home Alabama, you are my people!) I pray constantly that she’ll grow into a Godly woman. She has the sweetest heart and I look at her and I’m in awe.

Then I walk into her room and all the warm fuzzies are gone!  Not just gone, but dead, buried under a 2 foot pile of dog poo.  This room is my demise.  I try to ignore it as long as I can and suppress my feelings, but it never lasts.  Inevitably, I crack.  Then I go into a throwing out rage.  My daughter and I fight.  EVERYTHING.IS.SPECIAL.  Toys that she has completely forgotten about all of a sudden become the world’s greatest toy and she will tell me who gave it to her and all why her life will be utterly destroyed if I chunk it. Things are said, feelings are hurt and tears are shed. It gets ugly and I’m not proud of myself in these moments.

We got her a bunk bed for Christmas.  In order for it to fit, we had to get rid of her 3 foot tall Barbie house.  Barbie can’t be homeless so getting rid of her house means getting rid of her (all 15 of them) and her million outfits and shoes and purses and car, and if you can’t tell, I hate Barbie.  I hate everything about her and the thought of removing all of it from our house made we way happier than it should.

But I didn’t want to fight with my 9 year old and I was dreading the meltdown that was in my very near future.  I swear the Holy Spirit spoke to me.  He said “Katie, sweet and beautiful Katie with whom I am pleased.  Pour yourself a glass of wine, actually, forget the glass and grab the bottle.  Disregard the fact that it’s only 8:46 in the morning.  Let her binge watch Netflix and get in that room.”

Yall, when the Holy Spirit speaks, YOU LISTEN! I was me versus the closet.  I had God on my side so I knew I would be victorious. I shut the door so she could not enter.  The rule was she couldn’t ask me what I threw away.  Out of a whole pile, she only busted me on 1 toy, so I gave it back.

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Her room is so cozy, she has a reading corner and Christmas lights.  In one afternoon, it transformed from little girl’s to a big girl’s room.  She aged before my eyes.  My baby is growing is up.  I remember the day she was born, her first steps, and her first day of pre-K.  Now she gets things for me when I’m too lazy to walk across the entire grocery store and she’s on a dance team with teen agers.  She’s big, but not too big to be dropped off at her classroom door or snuggle every night at bed time.  She’s growing up and I can’t do anything about that, but for now, I’ll just hang on to her while I’m still cool.

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Less Than 3 Hours

12 Dec

6:06 am –  Got up.

Chug a glass of water/get a cup of coffee.

Move the Elf on the Shelf that I forgot to move last night.

Wake up oldest daughter/make her lunch and get her ready for school.

Clean up milk said child spilled.

Put laundry in washing machine.

Wash breakfast dishes.

Put middle child on potty and bribe her with jelly beans.

Clean up jellybeans.

Email adoption papers for some lovely friends.

Add UpScale DownHome cookbook to my husband’s Amazon “wish list.”  This is the only thing I want for Christmas and if he knows what’s best for  him, he’ll order it for me. (Love you bunches babe!)

Get middle child dressed.

Get myself dressed.  (I’m usually rocking comfy pants when my husband comes home but I got a new sweater the other day and I wore it to church yesterday and got several compliments so I decided rewearing a sweater is better than my usual pink sweatpants.)

Cut the middle child’s fingernails.

Put laundry in dryer.

Cook some eggs. (We have chickens and ducks, and for the life of me, I have no idea which kind I cooked.  I’m backyard illiterate.)

Convince middle child chocolate chips are not breakfast.

Kinda open a cheesestick  but not all the way because she HAS to open it “by myself.”

Tell same child stop yelling at the dog because the dog is NOT trying to eat her cheesestick.

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Eat cold eggs. (Hey, at least I know they are eggs.)

Share cold eggs with middle child even tho she said she didn’t want any. (Yes I know I do the same thing with my husband, especially if he has french fries, he says it’s super annoying. But we’ve been married for 15 years so he should know better.)

Plead with middle child to drink apple juice out of the orange cup because juice is already in it and I don’t want to wash ANOTHER cup.

Get green cup.

Hear baby wake up and look at clock.

9:02…9:02!!  You’re freakin’ kidding me!!!! It’s only 9:02?!?!? I’ve been up less than 3 hours and I feel like I’ve run a marathon.  Actually I’ve never ran a full marathon.  I’ve ran a half marathon and I’m more tired right now than I was after crossing the finish line.

I’ve reheated my coffee twice and I still haven’t finished it yet.

Mommas. This is life isn’t it?

Yesterday, at church my pastor was talking about “being called.”  We might not be living the life we imagined but we are called to live the life we have.  Whether we realize it or not, we have a circle of influence and it’s up to us to influence it positively or negatively.

You might be a stay at home mom who’s screaming on the inside because you desperately want to get back to an office.  Like everyday you are away, you’re loosing a piece of you. To make deals, close accounts, make bigger decisions than what leggins go with what shirt.  To sit at a desk and drink a hot cup of coffee in peace while catching up on morning emails. Stay at home momma, keep rocking your messy bun; you have earned every beautiful hair out of place.  You are a CEO and doing what it takes to run a successful household, you’re providing a loving and safe place for your babies when they come home from school.

You might be a working mom feeling guilty every second you’re away.  Desperately wishing you were the one rocking that baby of yours to sleep. Longing for the day when you can stay home and make homemade spaghetti sauce instead of opening a jar.  That you were the one kissing skinned knees and wiping away the tears. Working momma, keep rocking your business attire.  You are doing what it takes to pay the bills and to make sure your babies are feed, safe and warm at night.

I’ve been a momma in both worlds and it’s super easy to look at where you are and to long to be somewhere else.  I know what you are going through. YOU.ARE.ENOUGH.  You are loved. You are seen.  You are beautiful. You are forgiven.

You are where you are called to be.  Right now.  In this moment.  Take a deep breath and smile.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Cor 10:31

PS – These are actual events, I took notes this morning.

PPS – I still haven’t finished my coffee yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey Mom Guilt, You’re Dumb

6 Dec

When I was young, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I always knew it would be something in the Business field. My last 3 jobs were the assistant to a CEO, assistant to a President and an assistant to a VP.  I was the go-to person.  The one expected to have all the answers and if I didn’t, I needed to find them yesterday.

At this point, I had 1 daughter. Even tho I loved working, I felt guilty every time I dropped her off in the morning. I felt guilty when I wasn’t able to be at all her school events.  And I felt guilty when I didn’t make special, homemade treats for her classmates on her birthday.

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When I had my second daughter I quit my job to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM.)

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I was now able to do all those things that made me feel guilty for missing so I should have been happy right??  Nope!! I went through a major identity crisis and kinda went crazy.  I felt guilty because I wasn’t working and “contributing” to the family.  I found my identity in making money. Once that was taken away from me, I didn’t know who I was.  I felt like a liability to our family instead of an asset.  (The sad thing is this was the second time I went through this not making money identity crisis thing. But that is for a different blog on another day.)

I have 3 daughters now and I won’t say I’m over the crazy, I’m a hot mess and that will never change, but I’m over the identity crisis.

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I am a SAHM. I have food smeared on my shirt, pick up toys, vacuum the floors, do the dishes, the laundry, constantly tell a toddler “stop that” and change 1 million diapers every day.  Right now, my place is in the home and I’m, ok with that. I love that I stay home.  I’m fortunate my husband works hard so I can.

We went grocery shopping today.  The toddler threw a fit because I wouldn’t let her have the “brown pretzels” or walk around barefoot and the baby puked everywhere.  Oh well. I just had to deal with it and move on.  We all survived, therefore I’ll call this grocery store experience a success!

Mammas, listen to me.

Let go of the mom guilt that creeps up and realize YOU.ARE.AWESOME!!!  No matter where you find yourself BE YOU!  You are setting an example for the little people watching you and your actions teach more than your words. If you are a SAHM, rock it! You’re doing the hard work that no one sees but all appreciate.  If you’re a working mom, rock it! You’re showing your kids responsibility and work ethic.

Formula vs. breast milk.  Cloth diapers vs. disposables. Fresh green beans vs. canned. Organic vs. non organic. Day care vs. nanny. Public school vs. homeschool.  Frozen vs. homemade lasagna.  The list goes on and on…

Your life doesn’t have to look like anybody elses so don’t let their opinions get to you.   It’s your life so live it.  Love your babies to the best of your ability.  Take a deep breath.  It’s all gonna be ok.

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So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Cor 10:31.

He’s Better

11 Oct

Why settle for good enough when you can have better.  Everyone wants something more. The grass is greener right?  There’s nothing wrong with wanting more, the problem is how we obtain more.  Do we go about it wisely or do we act on impulse.  Are we searching to fill an emptiness inside us causing harm along the way?

The easiest and best way to better is through Jesus.  Guys, there is nothing wrong with wanting more, just keep Jesus in the center of it all. We wrapped up a series called “Cause It’s Better.”  One of the things my pastor said was “you have to let go of the good to get to the better.”  That is so good!!! Do yourself a favor and listen.

Some of you may be thinking, I already have better (job, spouse, kids, house, money, car…) so why do I need Jesus?  Good question, I’ll tell you: BECAUSE HE’S BETTER!!!!!

Here are some examples of what Jesus does:

He turns happy to joyful. Heartbroken to whole.  Searching to answers.  Lost to found. Hurt to healed. Weary to rest. Angry to loving. Grudges to forgiving. Selfish to selfless. Broke to generous. Fear to conqueror. Weak to strong. Scared to courageous. Unloved to bride. Orphan to daughter. Pain to strength.

I will tell you from personal experience, Jesus turned my unforgiving heart to forgiving, allowing me to tear down the walls I built up and have a relationship with the person that hurt me most.  I have also conquered the way irrational fear has crippled me.  Don’t get me wrong, the devil knows fear is the way to get me, but I have learned, when I feel the fear creeping in, I stand on God’s word.  I speak truth over my heart and situation and I stay strong.

The best thing about Jesus is His gift is free.  All we have to do is accept it.  We have to realize we are a hot mess without Him and then let Him in and allow Him to do what only He can do.

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Look at these girls.  You’d be crazy not to want better!

 

 

3 Times A Day

23 Oct

Our laptop crashed AGAIN 2 weeks ago.  The smart, tatted, pierced, techie Apple Store guy said something about our RAM card was causing the crash, (the words “RAM card” cause me to stare blankly and blink, whatever.)  It wouldn’t even turn on this time so we broke down and got a new desktop computer.  Laptops are convenient bc I can sit on the couch in a dark room, or a Starbucks, and blog.  BUT I love that the desktop has a real mouse.  Dear real mouse, how I have missed you!  I didn’t even realize how much I loved you till you came back to me.  I’m sorry for all the years I took you for granted and for throwing you across the room.  You are constant and faithful and you fit beautifully into the curve of right my hand.  You are way better than the new, sleek finger pad thingy.

That felt good to get off my chest…

Last week at church, my pastor was talking about lies.  That sermon was amazing and you should listen to it as soon as you finish reading this post.  Statistics show that women lie at least 3 times a day and men 6.  Why is this?  Why do we lie?  What do we gain? Sometimes the truth is ugly, so if we alter it slightly and wrap it in a box with a pretty bow, does that make it better?  No it doesn’t, but it makes us look better and I think that’s the appeal to lies.

Lets see what God has to say:

Why can’t you understand what I am saying? It’s because you can’t even hear me!  For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; FOR HE IS A LIAR AND THE FATHER OF ALL LIES.  John 8:43-44 NLT (all caps added by me.)

Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight. Proverbs 12:22 (KJB)

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.  John 14:6 (NIV)

It’s pretty clear that: 1) lies come from the devil 2) God detests lies and 3) Jesus is truth.  If I tell at least 3 lies a day, I am choosing Satan over Jesus at least 3 times a day…OUCH!!!  That is disgusting!!!  This is something I never thought about.  Thank you pastor for making me look inward at my heart, realizing it’s not pure and gross and realizing I have a lot of serious work to do. (The “thank you” was sarcastic, I’m not really grateful at all, self examination is hard.  I’d much rather pray for God to change someone else’s heart, not mine.)

A few days after this sermon was preached, Brandn asked me a question.  I really wanted to lie but I had a choice to make, choose satan or Jesus.  You see, we went on vacation for our anniversary and his mom and step-dad watched our girls.  They logged into their Netflix account and never logged out.  We don’t have Netflix for 2 reasons: 1) I’m too cheap and 2) I’m a tv junkie and if it’s in my house, I will watch it.  My form of self control is to not have cable.  I have wanted Netflix for a while so I can watch all the episodes of Gilmore Girls bc for some reason, when the show came out, I was stupid and never watched it.  Soooo when I noticed Netflix was in my  house, I immediately (it felt so natural, I didn’t even have to think twice about it) jumped right into Season 1 of GG.  (If Lorelai/Luke and Sookie/Jackson don’t end up together, the writer will receive some very late hate mail from me.)

A few days later Brandn asked me what episode I was on.  I froze and the internal struggle began.  Do I lie and tell him episode 3 or do I tell the truth and admit that I’m a junkie and after 3 days of GG, I was already on episode 11? Dang it!  Why was it so hard?  Why would I even think to lie about something as stupid as this?  My answer doesn’t matter; Brandn will not take the girls and leave me because I watched 10 episodes of GG in 3 days.  This is no big deal so why was I considering lying?

My answer didn’t matter but my choice did.  The choice of choosing Jesus over satan matters.  The choice of breaking the habitual habit of lying matters.  It matters to God.  My heart matters to God.  Your heart matters to God.

We all have a choice to make.  Let me encourage you to choose God.  Even though it’s not always the easy choice, it’s the right choice.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

It’s Time to be Brave!

23 Sep

I’m laying on my couch, alone, in the dark, wrapped up in a super plush, awesome blanket.  My 18 month old is sleeping and I NEED a nap.  But I can’t sleep.  As much as I want too, as much as I know a nap will prevent me from being cranky tonight, I feel a tug in my heart to get up and grab the computer and type.

I’m currently reading Let’s All Be Brave, Living A Life With Everything You Have by Annie Downs. (OMG!  As I googled things to link to her name, I came across this.  Even after staring at her picture on the back cover, I didn’t realize I know her.  Well, I don’t actually know her but I feel like I do.  I’ve been listening to her for months while doing the IF Equip daily devotions.  Now I love her even more!) READ.THIS.BOOK!  Stop what you are doing right now, after you finish reading my blog of course, and head to Half Priced Books, or wherever you like to pay full price for books, and buy a copy!!!

We have a notion that being brave requires us to do big things.  Like sell your home, give everything you own to the poor and move to a 3rd world country. Yes, that is brave, but is it for everyone?  Absolutely not!  Roaches cause me to cry, sweat, cuss and have a heart rate that is deadly for my body.  I need to live in a country where I can run like a mad woman and empty a whole can of RAID on one bug.

I don’t feel brave.  Sure, I’ve had brave moments but that’s all…moments.  Most of the time I allow a lie to creep into my head and I dwell on it till I’m crying over this created situation and completely living in fear.  I’m very open about fear.  I’ve blogged about it, cussed about it, cried about it, laughed about it, preached about it, done women’s events about it.  I even have a tattoo on my forearm to look at everyday to remind me that Jesus is right beside me and to believe Him and not the lie.  Because that’s all fear is, a lie that we have started to believe.  We have a choice, do we believe the lie or the truth.  It seems so simple yet it is so hard.

I haven’t completely kicked fear’s butt, but I remember the day I had enough. The day I threw the first punch.

I was at a women’s conference and Lisa Harper did a bravery alter call.  I knew she was talking to me, but to answer an alter call, takes courage, an act of bravery which is exactly what I was lacking at that moment of my life.  (If you’ve ever answered an alter call, you know what I mean!)  I found it ironic, asking fearful women to walk up to the alter, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, to receive prayer on bravery.  I knew I had to walk up but my feet were glued to the floor.  I was right next to my pastor’s wife, my friend, my mentor, the woman that reminds me to breath. She thought I was brave.  My husband and I quit jobs, sold our house, and moved to the big city to help plant a church with her and her husband, along with a few other crazy couples!  That’s brave ya’ll!

But I can’t consider myself brave because I’ve done brave things.  I was currently living a life wrapped in fear.  I was a fake, my facade of bravery had finally crashed down all around me (and it had the audacity to do it in public not in the nice private comfort of my own home.  How Rude!)  I had no choice but to walk up to the front.

Being brave isn’t doing big things.  It’s what you do everyday.  It’s facing sickness head on.  It’s daily walking into a job that you know isn’t your dream job but it’s where you are now.  It’s falling in love.  It’s waking up and getting out of bed.  It’s saying yes to certain things and no to others. It’s admitting you’re wrong and saying please forgive me.  It’s walking away from something bad for you.  It’s closing a door and daring to imagine you life differently.  It’s writing that check.  It’s getting on that plane.

You know what your next step of bravery looks like.  You know what you have to do.  Do it my friend!  Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or discouraged.  For the Lord, your God, will be with you where ever you go. Joshua 1:9 Do it and have confidence in yourself and the talents God gave you.

If you need help being brave today, listen to No Longer Slaves by Bethel.  Now that you’re feeling fiesty listen to It Is Well. Have the courage to admit that even tho your life may not look like what you thought it would, it is well and you have trust that you are exactly where God has you and HE.IS.WITH.YOU.   When Jesus died on the cross and the veil was torn, in THAT moment, we gained direct access to Him.  That His presences hovers over us and give us boldness.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

If Trees Could Talk

12 Sep

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not sentimental.  I throw everything away.  I don’t need 50 pictures of my kid’s foot prints or the pumpkin they drew in pre-K or the “clay pot” they made in art class.  I don’t hold on to Christmas cards, I throw them away, all of them, every year (sorry if you have sent me one, ever.)

We go camping every year on Labor Day.  I married into this tradition, my husband’s family has been going every year for 31 years and he hasn’t missed one yet.  It was mentioned that the camp site we have been going to for the last 8 years is being sold and this could possible be the last year we spend at this camp site.  This news, kinda made me sad, but not too sad because like I said, I’m not sentimental.

But I will miss a certain Cypress tree there.  This tree is magnificent.  You may or may not believe in God but there is something about this tree that screams miraculous.  You can’t be in the vicinity of this tree and not feel its power.  You can’t stand next to this tree and not feel small, like there is something bigger out there.

This tree has to be at least 500 years old and I so wish it could talk.  I can only imagine the things it has seen and conversations it has heard.   This tree is so enormous only a portion fits in the picture.  The 4 tiny people at the bottom is my family.

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This tree was around when it was just the Native Americans roaming the land.  It is majestic and I wonder how many people were married under it’s branches.  I wonder how many people found solace in it’s shade.  This is kinda cryptic, but I wonder how many people have been buried by it, because honestly, can you think of a better tombstone?  It’s on the Frio River, how many floods has it stood up too?  How many droughts has it weathered?

What conversations has it heard?  “Will you marry me?”  “Honey…we need to talk.”  How many desperate people have cried out to God wondering if He really exists and if He really sees/cares about/loves them?

This tree has seen me pregnant three times.  This tree has seen my 7.5 year old daughter for 1 week every year of her life. How many other kids have grown up with this tree? How many pictures is it in?  This is our most recent camping picture, we take one just like it every year.  45 people fit in front of 1 branch. Gosh, I sure wish it could talk.

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Large cypress trees will grow where thorn bushes were.  Myrtle trees will grow where weeds were.  These things will be a reminder of the Lord’s promise, and this promise will never be destroyed. Isaiah 55:13

I believe God is showing His mightiness and His love for us through this tree.

 

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.