Tag Archives: pregnancy


2 May

Everything to everyone, that is what I’m trying to be. I feel like I need to be the perfect wife and mother.  I feel guilty staying home on maternity leave and I think I need to be earning my keep as a domestic.  No one has put this expectation on me, well, that’s a lie.  I have placed this expectation on myself.  I have the most supportive husband and everyday before he goes off to work he tells me to take a nap and watch 2 movies.  And I’m like, OK Crackhead; I’ll squeeze that in between the dishes, pumping and the laundry.

When our first daughter was born, I overdid it and was back at the doctor’s office within a week.  I’m a slow learner and  I was at the doctor’s office yesterday.  She told me to take it easy; easier said than done.  I think I should be able to do it all despite the fact that I had a baby 17 days ago.

Since Brandn is back at work, I try to get up with Willow every night so he doesn’t have too.  Last night, however, was a different story.  I was up with her for an hour and a half and she was still wide awake.  At that point I let him take over and of course she fell asleep for him.  I also think since I’m home there is no excuse to have dirty dishes or laundry piling up.   My house has no carpet so I’m constantly sweeping; he has threatened to hide all the brooms. This is no joke; dirty floors makes me go crazy.  He was sweeping last night at 9:30 because he knew I would do it today once he left.

I want to be Supermom for Danica.  I don’t want her to feel left out or neglected now that Willow’s here.  I get her up in the morning, fix her hair and lunch and make sure I smother her with kisses before school.  I help her with homework and read to her every night before bed.

To Willow, I have to be everything.  The only 2 things she has mastered are scream till her little face turns purple and poop.  Everything else is up to me till Brandn comes home.

When I go out I don’t want to look like the lady that just had a baby so I make sure my clothes are cute and that I’ve fixed my hair.  Which is interesting because I believe pajamas are perfectly acceptable in public.

Why do I feel the need to prove myself?

I don’ know…I guess I want everyone to think I have it all together.  I normally don’t care what others think of me and I don’t know why it matters now.

Yesterday I realized I’m not Superwoman and it was a hard, emotional day.  Once the tears started they didn’t stop.

The facade stops now.  The truth is I’m a woman that just had a baby and I’m sleep deprived and cranky.  I have sore nipples.  I drink prune juice.  I have unfortunate stitches that are still bleeding and makes it impossible to sit for longer than 15 minutes.  I have dirty floors and I’m self conscious about my weight.

I’m a hot mess and its time to stop hiding it; that takes too much energy and I’m running on a limited supply right now.


Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.



Labor 101

28 Apr

If there was a class taught at the local mommy hang out place called “Labor 101”, I would not be qualified to teach it. Heck, I would be qualified to completely fail it.  I have 2 children (6.5 years old and 13 days old) and I still am clueless about being in labor.  Let me share my 2 experiences with you:

Rewind 6.5 years ago.  I was at home and due in 2 days.  I started noticing my stomach hurting every so often but didn’t think much about it.  Then I kept having to go to the bathroom, but I was a grown, potty-trained woman so I couldn’t understand why it felt like I was slightly peeing myself.  When my stomach aches really starting hurting I finally called my doctor.  I explained to the nurse what was going on and she told me to go to the hospital.  Well like I said, I was due in 2 days so I really didn’t see why she was sending me there.  I called my husband at work and my part of the conversation went a little like this:

“My stomach hurts and I’m NOT peeing myself but the nurse said I need to go to the hospital…no I don’t think I’m having contractions….well I’m not due for 2 more days…no I don’t think you need to meet me at the hospital; they’ll probably just send me home….no really, you don’t have…fine, I’ll see you in a minute.

When we arrived, I was dilated to a 4 and my amniotic fluid was leaking.  The nurse there said “congratulations, you’re having a baby today!”  We arrived at 10:45am and Danica was born at 4:45pm.

13 Days ago.  I was at work and due in 9 days.  It was” Sales Meeting” day, the biggest day of the month where the President, Vice President, the whole Sales team and corporate visitors were in a meeting and I’m in-charge of the books, set-up, breakfast, lunch, drinks and clean up.  I started noticing contractions around 9am and they were every 4-7 minutes.  I know 5 minutes is the magic number BUT I wasn’t due for 9 days and I had some contractions that were 7 minutes apart.  7 is NOT 5 so I kept on working.  At 10:30am I couldn’t hang any longer.  Much to my co-worker’s dismay, I drove myself to the hospital.  I called my husband and my part of the conversation went a little like this:

“I’m going to the hospital, I’m having contractions…no, I don’t think I’m in labor, I’m not due for 9 days….7 minutes, I think you’re in labor when they’re 5 minutes apart so they’ll probably send me home….no you don’t need to leave work….no really….fine, I’ll meet you there.

When I arrived the first thing out of my mouth was “I want an epidural.”  The nurse said, “yep, you’re in labor.”  I was dilated to a 6 and signing all the necessary paperwork in-between contractions.  I didn’t give a crap about what I was signing, all I wanted was that stupid epidural.  I arrived at 11am and Willow was born at 2:25pm.

While pushing for an hour, the 3 reoccurring thoughts I had were: 1) Dear Jesus, please get this baby out of me. 2) Darn you Adam and Eve, this pain is all your fault.  3) I would love a c-section right now.

Clearly I know nothing about the signs of labor.  Only about 5% of babies are actually born on their due date; it should be renamed to Estimated Time of Arrival, so smart girls like me won’t think that is the day the baby will actually be born. If you are pregnant and are due soon, if you have stomach aches that are consistently 4-7 minutes apart or you are constantly wiping yourself, this might be a really good time to contact your doctor.

Danica and Willow

My girls…Danica and Willow


Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain!