Tag Archives: mom

Miles of Calfs

16 Feb

February 15, 2015.

The day after Valentine’s Day. Exactly 10 months after I pushed an 8 pound, 7 oz baby from my body.  It’s also the day I ran my first Half Marathon!  I say “first” because I.WILL.DO.IT.AGAIN.  My friend ran the full marathon, she’s crazy, she’s also pictured below.  I ran the half, therefore I’m only half crazy.  Logic enough…moving on!

It was so amazing.  15,000 people gathered in downtown Austin to run, sweat and cuss together. I felt pretty darn good around mile 6 and I thought maybe I won’t turn off at mile 10 for the half and I’ll keep trucking along with my friend and run all 26.2 miles.  This was a fleeting thought and then I came to my senses.  I gave her a hi-5 at the split and went on my jovial way to the finish line….duces sucker!  I say that with love.  She knows I’m in awe of her and think she’s awesome!

When I run, I look at the road about 10 feet in front of me.  So this means I saw 13.1 miles of calfs.  All kinds of calfs show up to run a marathon and for your reading pleasure I’ll give you a glimpse into my mind while staring at them:

-Wow, those calfs are shiny.

-She has perfect calfs, I wished my calfs liked like that.

-Ewww, he needs to wax.  I wonder if his bed is covered in body hair.

-Those socks are awesome.

-What a cool tattoo…I want a tattoo.

-I don’t get that tattoo.

-I think those are the biggest calfs I have ever seen.

-That chick is barefoot.  She looks like a hippie, she needs a hula-hoop.

Don’t judge me.  I was running and the blood was flowing to my legs not my brain.  After 10 miles I was tired so it was perfect timing when I saw my husband and girls right after the split; their cheering was a very appreciated boost to finish the last 3 miles.  I saw my daughter waving at someone other than me and I thought who in the world would my 7 year old daughter know running in a marathon.  It turns out her teacher was in front of me and I spend the next 3 miles stalking the ladies with long brown hair; I never found her.

Take a look at your calfs.  They are yours and no matter what thought is running through your head, I hope you find them beautiful.  We are so judgmental and usually our toughest critique, I know I am.  You may look at your body right now and think you’re too big or thin and want to change it.  That’s ok!  There is no harm in wanting to be healthy but first we have to get our brains healthy.  We have to be able to look at ourselves and not hate what we see.  We have to love ourselves before we can truly love others.  You are beautiful.  Smile and be happy today.

Before.

Before.

Getting a hi-5 from my daughter at mile 10.  Photo cred to my husband.  I told him if he takes a pic I better look good and not shlumpy and gross...he did good. lol

Getting a hi-5 from my daughter at mile 10. Photo cred to my husband. I told him if he takes a pic I better look good and not shlumpy and gross…he did good. lol

After Marathon

After

Thanks for allowing me to share  my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Advertisements

Superwoman

2 May

Everything to everyone, that is what I’m trying to be. I feel like I need to be the perfect wife and mother.  I feel guilty staying home on maternity leave and I think I need to be earning my keep as a domestic.  No one has put this expectation on me, well, that’s a lie.  I have placed this expectation on myself.  I have the most supportive husband and everyday before he goes off to work he tells me to take a nap and watch 2 movies.  And I’m like, OK Crackhead; I’ll squeeze that in between the dishes, pumping and the laundry.

When our first daughter was born, I overdid it and was back at the doctor’s office within a week.  I’m a slow learner and  I was at the doctor’s office yesterday.  She told me to take it easy; easier said than done.  I think I should be able to do it all despite the fact that I had a baby 17 days ago.

Since Brandn is back at work, I try to get up with Willow every night so he doesn’t have too.  Last night, however, was a different story.  I was up with her for an hour and a half and she was still wide awake.  At that point I let him take over and of course she fell asleep for him.  I also think since I’m home there is no excuse to have dirty dishes or laundry piling up.   My house has no carpet so I’m constantly sweeping; he has threatened to hide all the brooms. This is no joke; dirty floors makes me go crazy.  He was sweeping last night at 9:30 because he knew I would do it today once he left.

I want to be Supermom for Danica.  I don’t want her to feel left out or neglected now that Willow’s here.  I get her up in the morning, fix her hair and lunch and make sure I smother her with kisses before school.  I help her with homework and read to her every night before bed.

To Willow, I have to be everything.  The only 2 things she has mastered are scream till her little face turns purple and poop.  Everything else is up to me till Brandn comes home.

When I go out I don’t want to look like the lady that just had a baby so I make sure my clothes are cute and that I’ve fixed my hair.  Which is interesting because I believe pajamas are perfectly acceptable in public.

Why do I feel the need to prove myself?

I don’ know…I guess I want everyone to think I have it all together.  I normally don’t care what others think of me and I don’t know why it matters now.

Yesterday I realized I’m not Superwoman and it was a hard, emotional day.  Once the tears started they didn’t stop.

The facade stops now.  The truth is I’m a woman that just had a baby and I’m sleep deprived and cranky.  I have sore nipples.  I drink prune juice.  I have unfortunate stitches that are still bleeding and makes it impossible to sit for longer than 15 minutes.  I have dirty floors and I’m self conscious about my weight.

I’m a hot mess and its time to stop hiding it; that takes too much energy and I’m running on a limited supply right now.

 

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

 

Eve Hogue – My Mom

20 Dec

Monday, 8:30 pm my phone rings. If you know me, you know my goal bedtime is 8, so when it rang I was annoyed. I didn’t recognize the number so I didn’t pick up. 2 minutes later, my husband’s phone rings…not good.

It’s Robert, my step-dad. My mom is in the ER and she stopped breathing…really not good.

Next phone call; her heart has stopped…horrible.

Next phone call; she’s gone…no words.

I know I can’t play this game but IF I had know that Thanksgiving was the last time I would have seen her, you better believe that weekend would have been different. I would have talked to her more. I would have asked her questions. I would have rolled my eyes less and told her I love her more.

Processing this is hard and to be honest, I’m sure I haven’t processed it completely.

While she was alive I didn’t honor the way I should have so I will honor her in her death.

She was the most generous person I have known and if she could meet a need she would.

When Danica was little, she watched her every Wednesday while we worked.

When we put Danica in preschool, we were having trouble working the tuition in our budget and I asked her for some help with the first month’s payment. She sent a check that would cover the whole year plus some.

One weekend I was on-call and had to work and Brandn was going out of town so I called her last minute and she rearranged her schedule to come and stay with Danica.

She gave her very nice car to someone at her church because they needed it more.

We go to the Women of Faith Conference every year and she usually brought a friend and paid for their ticket and hotel and always left with CDs and books for people.

Most of these examples involve money. She was not rich by any means; she just found joy in blessing others. The Bible says to love others as yourself; I think she figured that one out.

I laugh because when I was in labor with Danica, she was driving me out of my mind and I almost threw her out of the room. She was staring at the monitor and telling me when I was having a contraction…thank you…thank you mom for letting me know because the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my entire life every couple of minutes was no indication. It saddens me that she will never see Danica grow up. It saddens me even more that the new baby will never know her.

Her Memorial service was packed; standing room only. I think half of San Angelo squeezed into the room.

I don’t care if I sound like a Hallmark card, I’m gonna say it anyway: So many people loved her and the world just lost a very special lady.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…..welcome to my brain.