Tag Archives: God’s love

Less Than 3 Hours

12 Dec

6:06 am –  Got up.

Chug a glass of water/get a cup of coffee.

Move the Elf on the Shelf that I forgot to move last night.

Wake up oldest daughter/make her lunch and get her ready for school.

Clean up milk said child spilled.

Put laundry in washing machine.

Wash breakfast dishes.

Put middle child on potty and bribe her with jelly beans.

Clean up jellybeans.

Email adoption papers for some lovely friends.

Add UpScale DownHome cookbook to my husband’s Amazon “wish list.”  This is the only thing I want for Christmas and if he knows what’s best for  him, he’ll order it for me. (Love you bunches babe!)

Get middle child dressed.

Get myself dressed.  (I’m usually rocking comfy pants when my husband comes home but I got a new sweater the other day and I wore it to church yesterday and got several compliments so I decided rewearing a sweater is better than my usual pink sweatpants.)

Cut the middle child’s fingernails.

Put laundry in dryer.

Cook some eggs. (We have chickens and ducks, and for the life of me, I have no idea which kind I cooked.  I’m backyard illiterate.)

Convince middle child chocolate chips are not breakfast.

Kinda open a cheesestick  but not all the way because she HAS to open it “by myself.”

Tell same child stop yelling at the dog because the dog is NOT trying to eat her cheesestick.

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Eat cold eggs. (Hey, at least I know they are eggs.)

Share cold eggs with middle child even tho she said she didn’t want any. (Yes I know I do the same thing with my husband, especially if he has french fries, he says it’s super annoying. But we’ve been married for 15 years so he should know better.)

Plead with middle child to drink apple juice out of the orange cup because juice is already in it and I don’t want to wash ANOTHER cup.

Get green cup.

Hear baby wake up and look at clock.

9:02…9:02!!  You’re freakin’ kidding me!!!! It’s only 9:02?!?!? I’ve been up less than 3 hours and I feel like I’ve run a marathon.  Actually I’ve never ran a full marathon.  I’ve ran a half marathon and I’m more tired right now than I was after crossing the finish line.

I’ve reheated my coffee twice and I still haven’t finished it yet.

Mommas. This is life isn’t it?

Yesterday, at church my pastor was talking about “being called.”  We might not be living the life we imagined but we are called to live the life we have.  Whether we realize it or not, we have a circle of influence and it’s up to us to influence it positively or negatively.

You might be a stay at home mom who’s screaming on the inside because you desperately want to get back to an office.  Like everyday you are away, you’re loosing a piece of you. To make deals, close accounts, make bigger decisions than what leggins go with what shirt.  To sit at a desk and drink a hot cup of coffee in peace while catching up on morning emails. Stay at home momma, keep rocking your messy bun; you have earned every beautiful hair out of place.  You are a CEO and doing what it takes to run a successful household, you’re providing a loving and safe place for your babies when they come home from school.

You might be a working mom feeling guilty every second you’re away.  Desperately wishing you were the one rocking that baby of yours to sleep. Longing for the day when you can stay home and make homemade spaghetti sauce instead of opening a jar.  That you were the one kissing skinned knees and wiping away the tears. Working momma, keep rocking your business attire.  You are doing what it takes to pay the bills and to make sure your babies are feed, safe and warm at night.

I’ve been a momma in both worlds and it’s super easy to look at where you are and to long to be somewhere else.  I know what you are going through. YOU.ARE.ENOUGH.  You are loved. You are seen.  You are beautiful. You are forgiven.

You are where you are called to be.  Right now.  In this moment.  Take a deep breath and smile.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Cor 10:31

PS – These are actual events, I took notes this morning.

PPS – I still haven’t finished my coffee yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hey Mom Guilt, You’re Dumb

6 Dec

When I was young, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I always knew it would be something in the Business field. My last 3 jobs were the assistant to a CEO, assistant to a President and an assistant to a VP.  I was the go-to person.  The one expected to have all the answers and if I didn’t, I needed to find them yesterday.

At this point, I had 1 daughter. Even tho I loved working, I felt guilty every time I dropped her off in the morning. I felt guilty when I wasn’t able to be at all her school events.  And I felt guilty when I didn’t make special, homemade treats for her classmates on her birthday.

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When I had my second daughter I quit my job to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM.)

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I was now able to do all those things that made me feel guilty for missing so I should have been happy right??  Nope!! I went through a major identity crisis and kinda went crazy.  I felt guilty because I wasn’t working and “contributing” to the family.  I found my identity in making money. Once that was taken away from me, I didn’t know who I was.  I felt like a liability to our family instead of an asset.  (The sad thing is this was the second time I went through this not making money identity crisis thing. But that is for a different blog on another day.)

I have 3 daughters now and I won’t say I’m over the crazy, I’m a hot mess and that will never change, but I’m over the identity crisis.

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I am a SAHM. I have food smeared on my shirt, pick up toys, vacuum the floors, do the dishes, the laundry, constantly tell a toddler “stop that” and change 1 million diapers every day.  Right now, my place is in the home and I’m, ok with that. I love that I stay home.  I’m fortunate my husband works hard so I can.

We went grocery shopping today.  The toddler threw a fit because I wouldn’t let her have the “brown pretzels” or walk around barefoot and the baby puked everywhere.  Oh well. I just had to deal with it and move on.  We all survived, therefore I’ll call this grocery store experience a success!

Mammas, listen to me.

Let go of the mom guilt that creeps up and realize YOU.ARE.AWESOME!!!  No matter where you find yourself BE YOU!  You are setting an example for the little people watching you and your actions teach more than your words. If you are a SAHM, rock it! You’re doing the hard work that no one sees but all appreciate.  If you’re a working mom, rock it! You’re showing your kids responsibility and work ethic.

Formula vs. breast milk.  Cloth diapers vs. disposables. Fresh green beans vs. canned. Organic vs. non organic. Day care vs. nanny. Public school vs. homeschool.  Frozen vs. homemade lasagna.  The list goes on and on…

Your life doesn’t have to look like anybody elses so don’t let their opinions get to you.   It’s your life so live it.  Love your babies to the best of your ability.  Take a deep breath.  It’s all gonna be ok.

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So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Cor 10:31.

He’s Better

11 Oct

Why settle for good enough when you can have better.  Everyone wants something more. The grass is greener right?  There’s nothing wrong with wanting more, the problem is how we obtain more.  Do we go about it wisely or do we act on impulse.  Are we searching to fill an emptiness inside us causing harm along the way?

The easiest and best way to better is through Jesus.  Guys, there is nothing wrong with wanting more, just keep Jesus in the center of it all. We wrapped up a series called “Cause It’s Better.”  One of the things my pastor said was “you have to let go of the good to get to the better.”  That is so good!!! Do yourself a favor and listen.

Some of you may be thinking, I already have better (job, spouse, kids, house, money, car…) so why do I need Jesus?  Good question, I’ll tell you: BECAUSE HE’S BETTER!!!!!

Here are some examples of what Jesus does:

He turns happy to joyful. Heartbroken to whole.  Searching to answers.  Lost to found. Hurt to healed. Weary to rest. Angry to loving. Grudges to forgiving. Selfish to selfless. Broke to generous. Fear to conqueror. Weak to strong. Scared to courageous. Unloved to bride. Orphan to daughter. Pain to strength.

I will tell you from personal experience, Jesus turned my unforgiving heart to forgiving, allowing me to tear down the walls I built up and have a relationship with the person that hurt me most.  I have also conquered the way irrational fear has crippled me.  Don’t get me wrong, the devil knows fear is the way to get me, but I have learned, when I feel the fear creeping in, I stand on God’s word.  I speak truth over my heart and situation and I stay strong.

The best thing about Jesus is His gift is free.  All we have to do is accept it.  We have to realize we are a hot mess without Him and then let Him in and allow Him to do what only He can do.

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Look at these girls.  You’d be crazy not to want better!

 

 

A Public Prayer

13 Sep

Wow, I just noticed it’s been almost 6 months since my last blog post. I’ll blame it on the fact that I have an almost 7 month old.  See what I did there?  I totally deflected responsibility.  I’m fully anticipating all 3 of my daughters spending tons of money in therapy later and everything will be my fault, its OK, I accept this.  So while I still can, I’ll blame my lack of blogmenship on them.

Now, to my actual blog…

I love music.  80s love ballads and 90s boy bands are my absolute favorite.  I have 10 Pandora stations; I never listen to just one station though, it’s always on shuffle (unless I’m running, then it’s only my Spice Girls station.)  No matter the genre, Jesus Culture, Bethel and Elevation Worship is on every one of them, so pretty much every other song is one of those bands.  Jesus Culture comes on so much that whenever my husband hears them he says “all day everyday.”

Last week at church we sang this song.  Here As In Heaven by Elevation.  Do yourself a favor and listen to it.  Now listen to it again. I can’t sing this song without busting out into prayer, I hope this song inspires you to pray too.

The atmosphere is changing now
For the spirit of the Lord is here
The evidence is all around
That the spirit of the Lord is here

Overflow in this place
Fill our hearts with your love
Your love surrounds us
You’re the reason we came
To encounter your love
Your love surrounds us

Spirit of God fall fresh on us
We need your presence
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
Here as in heaven

A miracle can happen now
For the spirit of the Lord is here
The evidence is all around
That the spirit of the Lord is here

Jesus, thank you so much for your love.  Thank you that you love me.  Thank you that we don’t have to clean ourselves up to come to you.  Thank you that you wait for us with open arms.  That you see us and know us.  That you make us better.  Thank you that you walk with us.  That you aren’t a statue on the wall but you’re alive right now and walking amongst us.  Thank you that your blood was shed for me, that I’m forgiven.  Thank you that the devil has to flee at your name.  Thank you that you are the one true God and that all names bow before you.  Thank you for turning heartbreak to joy and ugly to beautiful. That you come in and do what only you can do.  Thank you that through you, we are victorious.  That chains are broken and we can get to the other side. Amen.

PaW, Moses and Restoration

25 Jan

So it’s Monday, and my blog is regarding something that happened yesterday.  I’m so impressed with myself for actually sitting down within 24 hours of being inspired. (Patting myself on the back right now.)  But before I get started let me just say, I have been binge listening to the Happy Hour podcast by Jamie Ivey.  The premise is her talking with friends on topics ranging from adoption and God’s calling on your life to 90s heart throbs and eyelash extensions. You should listen to it.  You will be happy.  You’re welcome!

Ok, back to Sunday.  Praise and Worship or PaW because I’m too lazy to type it out.  I LOVE PaW. I listen to my “Bethel” station on Pandora pretty much all day long; yes it is playing right now.  Bethel means “the house of God.”  I love this so much I’m trying (unsuccessfully might I add) to convince my husband if our baby is a girl, this NEEDS to be her name.  We have a boy’s name, but not a girl’s name.  This makes for fun conversations at night when we’re both exhausted and delirious.

Dang it, rabbit trail.  Ok, back to Sunday.  I love PaW.  I love singing my heart out about how good God is.  My husband plays bass on the PaW team at our church so I know all the songs and, let me tell you, I feel like such a groupie when they do a new song and no one knows the words…but I do!

I’m gonna be honest here.  Lots of times, even though I’m singing, my mind is wondering.  I look around at other people and see them completely engrossed in it and I’m totally jealous.  I love seeing people crying during PaW because I know God is doing something miraculous in them.  Healing something that needs to be healed, confirming something that needs confirmation, reminding them that He is just and faithful and love.

I’m not one of those that just stands still with arms crossed during PaW.  Nope.  I’m a mover and a shaker and my hands are raised.  Well usually one is and the other is moving like Mariah Carey’s or Christina Aguilera’s.  My husband makes fun of me and calls this my signature move. Sunday my arms got tired and I randomly thought I wish I was Moses and people were here to hold my arms up.  If you’ve been raised in the church you know what I’m talking about. If not, let me explain:

Moses was the leader of the Israelites and they were at battle.  As long as Moses’ hands were raised they were winning, but when he got tired and lowed his hands, they were loosing.  So 2 guys found a stone for him to sit on and held his arms up so that his hands were steady till sunset. (My very basic interpretation of Exodus 17:8-16)  As I said earlier, my mind wanders during PaW so for it to wander to something biblical was quite a shock to me! lol

I’ve heard sermons on this passage about supporting our leaders.  About how our leaders need us just as much as we need them.  We need to rally around them and support them and lift them up in prayer.  I FULLY agree with this.  I love my pastors and can’t imagine doing life without them and my husband and I support them whenever we can.

However; I also think there is a second point in this passage.  That we need to be PaWing God AT.ALL.TIMES.  When we are in the thick of it and battling for our lives.  When we are too tired to go on.  When we don’t see the point of going on.  When we feel heartbroken and alone.  When even breathing is a struggle.

When we are in this place of brokenness, that’s when God is doing what He does best; restoring! The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirt is crushed.  (Psalm 34:18.)  (You can stand on this verse.  It’s a promise from God and God is truth and doesn’t lie!) When we are in tune with God and allow Him in, we are forever changed.  Not only will God draw near to us, He will send others to walk through this hell with us.  I say this, but I personally struggle with it.  When I’m in the thick of it, I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.  I don’t want them to quote me scripture; I want them to acknowledge this sucks and that I’ll get through it.  When my mom died, I made my husband go to work that day because I knew he wanted to comfort me but all I wanted to do was clean my floor.  Yes, I’m horrible person and I need Jesus.  I.KNOW.THIS.AND.CLAIM.IT.

Anyway…if you’re in the thick of it, I hope you know you are not alone.  Depression, sickness, anxiety, addiction, death, fear and doubt have no place in God’s presence! I pray you find rest and peace.  It sucks but you will get through it!!

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain!

 

Jammies With Feet

4 Jan

So as most of my readers know, I’m currently pregnant with my 3rd child.  I could go on and on about all the great things being a mom entails like unconditional love and good night kisses.  But I’m gonna be honest, my 2 favorite things are pinching dimply baby booties and jammies with feet.  We have a bath time routine of walking around the house and everyone pinches Willow’s sweet 20 month old booty.  The other day my husband was taking a shower and Willow was walking around the house looking for him and got sad when I put her in the bath without a booty pinch from her papa.

Jammies with feet are on a whole ‘nother level.  There is nothing cuter than a little girl walking around in fuzzy jammies with little monkey ears on her toes.  (I made up a song about jammies with feet, this proves my love.) But they have to be the kind with zippers.  The button up ones are the Devil.  Who ever decided it was a good idea to make a sleep deprived parent button up 15 buttons at 3am only to find the last button doesn’t match up will have a lot to answer for on judgement day.  I was changing Willow’s diaper and found a Christmas ornament caught in the foot and my husband found a few pens down there as well.  I never thought about it but I guess jammies with feet make the perfect place to stash things.

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That got me thinking, aren’t we just like those darn jammies.  We walk around looking all cute and put together but deep down we’re hiding things.

We want you to think your words don’t phase us, but deep down they’re killing us. We want you to think we are totally secure, qualified enough, put together enough, organized enough and in the perfect marriage.  We want you to think our kids are the best, our house is always this clean and we never burn the meatloaf.

No one is all of these things so why do we try?  Why do we put so much effort into being what we’re not?  Why do we care so much about what others think of us?

I know it’s hard not to let outside voices in but the truth is, there is only one voice that matters.  God’s. God says you are loved. Beautiful. Seen. Known. Matter. Heard. Holy. Righteous. Strong. Brave. The son or daughter of a heavenly king. Forgiven. Redeemed…YOU.ARE.ENOUGH.

So many things are thrown at us daily, fighting for our attention.  We need to learn what to focus on.  We need to learn the voice of truth.  We need to learn how to love ourselves and quit killing ourselves trying to be something we’re not.  Let’s quit being jammies with feet.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

 

Some Weeks Just Suck

13 Dec

This time of year can be hard for some.  Holidays are made to be shared with loved ones, but what happens when that loved one is gone?  How do you celebrate when you wife, husband, child, or (fill in the blank) is missing from the party?  Do you put on a smile and fake it till you make it or do you hide out in a dark room and avoid all contact with the outside world?

This week has been really hard for me; December 9th is the 2nd anniversary of my mom’s unexpected death and December 12th is her birthday.  Add to that a 29 week pregnancy doctor’s appointment where I had to drink the nasty Fruit Punch Glucose crap, a weigh-in realizing I have already gained the total weight of my last pregnancy and I still have 11 more weeks to go AND the fact that I got a hair cut that didn’t turn out the way I wanted!  This called for a major pity-party and let me tell you, pity-parties are the best parties I throw.

This week I find myself living in a world of regret.  You see, my mom and I didn’t have the best relationship.  I spent half of my life hating her.  I allowed hurt and anger to boil up inside me and build a wall.  When I was young it was easy to blame everything on her.  Things like “I was just a child…she was the adult…she should have reached out..I did nothing wrong” filled my mind and I found comfort in blaming her.

But then Jesus…

I started to realize that Jesus didn’t die on the cross so I would spend my life hating her.  When he cried out “It is finished” over 2000 years ago what he meant was “Katie.  This ugly bitterness inside you is finished; it’s time to forgive.”  If Jesus could forgive the friends that betrayed him and the people that killed him, I can forgive as well.

It wasn’t easy and it took years.  Romans 12:2 played a big part: Do not be conformed to the image of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  The renewing of MY mind.  Yes, the world told me it was ok to hate her, but Jesus said to renew MY mind…this means I have to take ownership of my thoughts and feelings…gross!  Who wants to do that?  I literally chanted “the renewing of my mind, the renewing of my mind, the renewing of my mind” every time I felt the ugliness rising up in me.  I had to face that fact that I’m an adult now and if I want things to change, I can’t keep doing the same things.  (Duh, mind blowing I know.)  I had to change my tone of voice, body language and even my posture while talking to her.  I had to realize she did the best she could.

When she died, our relationship wasn’t perfect but it was better than what it previously was.  I look back and get sad for the part I played in the “complicated relationship.”  Nothing is ever 100% someone else’s fault.  We ALL play a part in conflict.  If we want it resolved, we have to do some self reflection, realize our part and change our behavior.  It’s not easy, but necessary if you want change.

If you have some one you need to forgive, let me encourage you to do it!  It will be hard and it won’t be overnight but it’s so worth it.  Don’t spend another day with that wall up, start knocking those bricks out.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.