Tag Archives: family

Grab a Bottle

28 Dec

I have a 9 year old daughter.  She makes me a better person. I thank God every night that he chose me to be her mom, that I get to love her and kiss her anytime I want (If you see the cute little boy from Sweet Home Alabama, you are my people!) I pray constantly that she’ll grow into a Godly woman. She has the sweetest heart and I look at her and I’m in awe.

Then I walk into her room and all the warm fuzzies are gone!  Not just gone, but dead, buried under a 2 foot pile of dog poo.  This room is my demise.  I try to ignore it as long as I can and suppress my feelings, but it never lasts.  Inevitably, I crack.  Then I go into a throwing out rage.  My daughter and I fight.  EVERYTHING.IS.SPECIAL.  Toys that she has completely forgotten about all of a sudden become the world’s greatest toy and she will tell me who gave it to her and all why her life will be utterly destroyed if I chunk it. Things are said, feelings are hurt and tears are shed. It gets ugly and I’m not proud of myself in these moments.

We got her a bunk bed for Christmas.  In order for it to fit, we had to get rid of her 3 foot tall Barbie house.  Barbie can’t be homeless so getting rid of her house means getting rid of her (all 15 of them) and her million outfits and shoes and purses and car, and if you can’t tell, I hate Barbie.  I hate everything about her and the thought of removing all of it from our house made we way happier than it should.

But I didn’t want to fight with my 9 year old and I was dreading the meltdown that was in my very near future.  I swear the Holy Spirit spoke to me.  He said “Katie, sweet and beautiful Katie with whom I am pleased.  Pour yourself a glass of wine, actually, forget the glass and grab the bottle.  Disregard the fact that it’s only 8:46 in the morning.  Let her binge watch Netflix and get in that room.”

Yall, when the Holy Spirit speaks, YOU LISTEN! I was me versus the closet.  I had God on my side so I knew I would be victorious. I shut the door so she could not enter.  The rule was she couldn’t ask me what I threw away.  Out of a whole pile, she only busted me on 1 toy, so I gave it back.

closet

Her room is so cozy, she has a reading corner and Christmas lights.  In one afternoon, it transformed from little girl’s to a big girl’s room.  She aged before my eyes.  My baby is growing is up.  I remember the day she was born, her first steps, and her first day of pre-K.  Now she gets things for me when I’m too lazy to walk across the entire grocery store and she’s on a dance team with teen agers.  She’s big, but not too big to be dropped off at her classroom door or snuggle every night at bed time.  She’s growing up and I can’t do anything about that, but for now, I’ll just hang on to her while I’m still cool.

d

 

Some Weeks Just Suck

13 Dec

This time of year can be hard for some.  Holidays are made to be shared with loved ones, but what happens when that loved one is gone?  How do you celebrate when you wife, husband, child, or (fill in the blank) is missing from the party?  Do you put on a smile and fake it till you make it or do you hide out in a dark room and avoid all contact with the outside world?

This week has been really hard for me; December 9th is the 2nd anniversary of my mom’s unexpected death and December 12th is her birthday.  Add to that a 29 week pregnancy doctor’s appointment where I had to drink the nasty Fruit Punch Glucose crap, a weigh-in realizing I have already gained the total weight of my last pregnancy and I still have 11 more weeks to go AND the fact that I got a hair cut that didn’t turn out the way I wanted!  This called for a major pity-party and let me tell you, pity-parties are the best parties I throw.

This week I find myself living in a world of regret.  You see, my mom and I didn’t have the best relationship.  I spent half of my life hating her.  I allowed hurt and anger to boil up inside me and build a wall.  When I was young it was easy to blame everything on her.  Things like “I was just a child…she was the adult…she should have reached out..I did nothing wrong” filled my mind and I found comfort in blaming her.

But then Jesus…

I started to realize that Jesus didn’t die on the cross so I would spend my life hating her.  When he cried out “It is finished” over 2000 years ago what he meant was “Katie.  This ugly bitterness inside you is finished; it’s time to forgive.”  If Jesus could forgive the friends that betrayed him and the people that killed him, I can forgive as well.

It wasn’t easy and it took years.  Romans 12:2 played a big part: Do not be conformed to the image of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  The renewing of MY mind.  Yes, the world told me it was ok to hate her, but Jesus said to renew MY mind…this means I have to take ownership of my thoughts and feelings…gross!  Who wants to do that?  I literally chanted “the renewing of my mind, the renewing of my mind, the renewing of my mind” every time I felt the ugliness rising up in me.  I had to face that fact that I’m an adult now and if I want things to change, I can’t keep doing the same things.  (Duh, mind blowing I know.)  I had to change my tone of voice, body language and even my posture while talking to her.  I had to realize she did the best she could.

When she died, our relationship wasn’t perfect but it was better than what it previously was.  I look back and get sad for the part I played in the “complicated relationship.”  Nothing is ever 100% someone else’s fault.  We ALL play a part in conflict.  If we want it resolved, we have to do some self reflection, realize our part and change our behavior.  It’s not easy, but necessary if you want change.

If you have some one you need to forgive, let me encourage you to do it!  It will be hard and it won’t be overnight but it’s so worth it.  Don’t spend another day with that wall up, start knocking those bricks out.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

If Trees Could Talk

12 Sep

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not sentimental.  I throw everything away.  I don’t need 50 pictures of my kid’s foot prints or the pumpkin they drew in pre-K or the “clay pot” they made in art class.  I don’t hold on to Christmas cards, I throw them away, all of them, every year (sorry if you have sent me one, ever.)

We go camping every year on Labor Day.  I married into this tradition, my husband’s family has been going every year for 31 years and he hasn’t missed one yet.  It was mentioned that the camp site we have been going to for the last 8 years is being sold and this could possible be the last year we spend at this camp site.  This news, kinda made me sad, but not too sad because like I said, I’m not sentimental.

But I will miss a certain Cypress tree there.  This tree is magnificent.  You may or may not believe in God but there is something about this tree that screams miraculous.  You can’t be in the vicinity of this tree and not feel its power.  You can’t stand next to this tree and not feel small, like there is something bigger out there.

This tree has to be at least 500 years old and I so wish it could talk.  I can only imagine the things it has seen and conversations it has heard.   This tree is so enormous only a portion fits in the picture.  The 4 tiny people at the bottom is my family.

tree us

This tree was around when it was just the Native Americans roaming the land.  It is majestic and I wonder how many people were married under it’s branches.  I wonder how many people found solace in it’s shade.  This is kinda cryptic, but I wonder how many people have been buried by it, because honestly, can you think of a better tombstone?  It’s on the Frio River, how many floods has it stood up too?  How many droughts has it weathered?

What conversations has it heard?  “Will you marry me?”  “Honey…we need to talk.”  How many desperate people have cried out to God wondering if He really exists and if He really sees/cares about/loves them?

This tree has seen me pregnant three times.  This tree has seen my 7.5 year old daughter for 1 week every year of her life. How many other kids have grown up with this tree? How many pictures is it in?  This is our most recent camping picture, we take one just like it every year.  45 people fit in front of 1 branch. Gosh, I sure wish it could talk.

tree everybody

Large cypress trees will grow where thorn bushes were.  Myrtle trees will grow where weeds were.  These things will be a reminder of the Lord’s promise, and this promise will never be destroyed. Isaiah 55:13

I believe God is showing His mightiness and His love for us through this tree.

 

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

 

 

A Brave New World

17 Jun

Nope, sorry slacker high-school students, this isn’t a book report; you’re gonna have to read the Cliff’s Notes on your own.  I read this book in high school and honestly, I don’t remember a single thing about it.

I am embarking on a brave new world.  I’m saying sayonara to the “corporate” world and hello to the “did I take a shower yesterday” world, also known as a Stay Home Mom.

I decided not to go back after my maternity leave; this was something both my husband and I wanted for a while but didn’t think it possible.  We think it’s gonna work out financially, but we’ll see.  I’m betting my sanity runs out before the money does.  My older daughter and I are so alike yet so different there will be days when we’re both in time-out..

For the older one: I want to be the one to take you to school and pick you up.  I want to be the mom that knows all the kids and volunteers at your school.  I will be all up in your business.  I aspire to be “that” mom.  You know, the one that brings raisins and applesauce cupcakes laced with carrots and spinach on Halloween and give everyone my cell phone number to plan play dates.  I have bought a new “stay home mom” wardrobe so that I look cute when I’m at your school; my actions will embarrass you, my clothes will not.  I want you to know your day matters to me.

For the baby:  I want to be the one feeding you and changing your diapers.  I want to be the one that kisses your tears away when you’re screaming and I have no idea why and then start crying with you.  I want to be the one to snuggle you in the afternoon when we both have calmed down.  I want to be the one to get your smiles and I want you to get mine.  I want you to know your day matters to me.

For my husband:  I want to be the one to great you after work with a hug and I promise I won’t be wearing the same pjs as when you left.  I want the house to always be clean not disgusting.  Now that I’m doing the grocery shopping I will try my hardest to always have hummus and Triscuits for you (we’re out of hummus, maybe this will start tomorrow.)  I will do more cooking but I can’t guarantee you will always like it.  I want you to know your day matters to me.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

A Living Representation

21 Apr

My church meets in a gym we rent from Austin Grace.  Revive and Grace have become friends and we have had a few joint services.  We are different churches but we are on the same team.  In our prayer time before service started, Pastor Josh prayed that we be living representations of God.

What does being a living representation of God look like?  1 Colossians 1:15 says Christ is the visible image of an invisible God. Ok, what does Christ look like?  Well, in Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ, Jesus looked like an attractive hippie.  So is that it?  We just walk around in a robe and Tevas? No….Jesus is so much more than that.  Jesus is God and God is love.

For God so loved the world…John 3:16

Love the Lord you God….and love your neighbor…Luke 10:27

Love your enemies…Matt 5:44

Everyone will know you are disciples, if you love one another…John 13:35

I’m currently reading Love Does by Bob Goff.  You should read it too.  Like the title says, this book is about what love does.  It’s not written by some male chauvinistic pig telling women that love means cooking dinner for you man and making sure the house is clean.  No.  Love is allowing a perfect stranger to propose to his girlfriend in your backyard.  Love isn’t telling the high school kid who wants to drop out and move to Yosemite how stupid he is; love is going with him and encouraging him while he figures out on his own how stupid his idea is.  Love is playing pranks on your friend. Love is taking a risk, love is action.

Last Friday was the funeral of a family member.  I was planning on going but when I found out my sister wasn’t going, I changed my plans and spent the day with her.  Danica and I drive 207 miles, one way, to have lunch and give her a hug.  The weather was beautiful so we walked to a cute little cafe for lunch then played at the park.  We went back to her place and talked for a few hours.  We talked about tattoos, work, Catholicism, orphans, the giant elephant in the room, movies, Jesus, love and much more.   We had a great conversation but did I say anything brilliant that will change her life?  Nope!  A year from now will she look back and remember anything I said?  Absolutely not!  Will she know that she is loved and remember she wasn’t alone that day?  Yes.  Will she know I love her because I said the words “I love you.”  No.  She will know I love her because I showed her.

Love isn’t just a bunch of talk.

Love = action

By loving people, we are a living representation of God.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Thankfullgivingness

22 Nov

Thankfulness. I’m thankful for so many things but sometimes it’s hard to tell that because I’m too busy complaining. Throughout November,I’ve noticed several people posting what they are thankful for on faceBook and I refused to do the same because I didn’t want to jump on the band wagon. So, I’m being TOTALLY original and blogging about what I’m thankful for and posting it on Thanksgiving. A day that, millions of people around the wold, have designated as the day we all come together and tell everyone what we are thankful for. (Can you fell the sarcasm?)

I’m thankful for God’s love. I’m a Pastor’s wife so I have to say that first, right? 🙂 It’s true. He loved me from day one. There are days when I’m not exactly easy to deal with; heck, lets be honest….there are days when even I think I’m being obnoxious and I would get away from me if I could. But He still loves me. He loved me so much that He sent His son to die for me. His son loved me so much that He was willing to die for me. But it doesn’t stop there. His son LOVES (present tense) me so much that He wants to live in my heart.

I’m thankful for my husband. He loves and supports me. He keeps me sane when all I want to do is go crazy. Right now, you’re probably thinking “Ummm…she thinks she’s sane?!?” Yes, yes I do. It could be much worse so you should be thankful for him too. He makes me feel safe. He makes laugh and he has brilliant timing for quoting me scripture exactly when I don’t want to hear it. Love you babe.  So glad you asked and so glad I said yes!

I’m thankful for my daughter. She has taught me unconditional love. She cracks me up and she’s WAY too smart for her own good. She grows me daily. She pats my back when I’m sad and she likes to watch me drive away each morning. Since moving to Round Rock, she has developed a passion, or obsession, with recycling; which I have to say makes me quite happy. While at my Nana’s funeral, the priest was talking about our duties as Christians. Danica got all excited and said “Mamma, he said “duty!”” This made me so proud! Some of you may thing I’m being sarcastic, I’m not. It really made me proud because I do the same thing. lol

I’m thankful for Revive and my Revive Church family. You guys are awesome! I love our women’s community group and the ladies that I share life with. I love that Danica calls Rachel “Grandma Ortiz.” One of the hardest parts about moving to Austin was taking Danica away from her grandmas in San Angelo. Well, Rachel is part of our family and loves Danica, and Danica loves her. I love that these ladies know the real me, and are my friends anyway. I love that they remind me I’m not a bad mom. I love that we will watch each other’s kids even if it’s last minute. I love that we can cry together and make fun of ourselves 5 minutes later for crying. I love that we do this crazy thing called life together.

I’m thankful for Pandora. The last 4 songs my station played are “All I Want For Christmas” by Mariah Carey, “Don’t Look Back in Anger” by Oasis, “After All Holy” by The David Crowder Band and “Summer Breeze” by Seals 7 Crofts.

I’m thankful for my house. We went through months of crap but we finally got a house and it was totally worth the wait. God blessed us with a huge, beautiful house and we are trying to figure out how to bless God and others with it.

I am so blessed and I need to be thankful more often and complain less.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. – James 1:17 NIV

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

My taller little sister

17 May

We went to Denton last weekend to celebrate my sister’s graduation.  She graduated from Texas Women’s University with a degree in Dental hygiene.  This is a major accomplishment.  They decided to change the course curriculum while she was in the middle of it and it kinda screwed her over.  She had to take mandatory classes that 2 semesters later were no longer mandatory and she had to put up with a lot of unnecessary crap because the professors couldn’t agree on anything.   Well it’s all over now and whatever dentist hires her is lucky to have her.

I first met Natalie when she was 8 and I was 15 (I think, it was a long time ago.)  Technically she is a step-sister but I love her like a sister and when I talk about her, I call her my sister.  When her mom and my dad first got married I wasn’t the best sister to her.  I was too obsessed with myself and boys to pay much attention to her.  Example:  She broke her thumb playing soccer and had to wear a cast for like 2 months.  I don’t remember this.  We lived in the same house, you would think I would notice a cast on her arm for 2 months, but I didn’t.  I only know she broke her thumb because I saw it an old picture one day and asked about it.

(Me and Nat a VERY long time ago)

Natalie is incredible.  She had some bad things happen to her, stuff that should never happen to anybody.  But she didn’t allow it to turn her into a victim.  She spoke up, got counseling and was able to overcome and come out stronger!  She didn’t succumb to pressure from some family members to “sweep it under the rug” and ignore it.  Nope, she speaks up when something isn’t right.  She did that during college too; she spoke up after she witnessed things her professors doing that were wrong.  It may have cost her some awards at graduation but she realizes doing what’s right is more important that being the “good girl” and getting recognition.

  (My family a long time ago, my arm is around Nat)

She’s smart too!  One day I was telling Debbie about the movie Madagascar.  I said something brilliant like “and they’re stranded on some awesome island like Figi.”  Natalie looked at me and said “Um…it’s called MA-DA-GAS-CAR.”  Her facial expression said it all; what it said was “seriously, you’re stupid.”  I looked at her confused for a second, allowed her ground breaking statement to soak in and then we both started cracking up.  I’ve seen that movie 1 million times and never made the connection.  But like I said, Natalie is smart and caught on right away.

Natalie Bernadette Osborne is beautiful, smart, funny, compassionate, loving, generous and taller than me since she was 10.  She’s my sister, I love her, miss her and am so proud of her!

 (Me and Nat at graduation.  I told you she was tall and beautiful.)

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.