Tag Archives: daughters

Hey Mom Guilt, You’re Dumb

6 Dec

When I was young, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I always knew it would be something in the Business field. My last 3 jobs were the assistant to a CEO, assistant to a President and an assistant to a VP.  I was the go-to person.  The one expected to have all the answers and if I didn’t, I needed to find them yesterday.

At this point, I had 1 daughter. Even tho I loved working, I felt guilty every time I dropped her off in the morning. I felt guilty when I wasn’t able to be at all her school events.  And I felt guilty when I didn’t make special, homemade treats for her classmates on her birthday.

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When I had my second daughter I quit my job to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM.)

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I was now able to do all those things that made me feel guilty for missing so I should have been happy right??  Nope!! I went through a major identity crisis and kinda went crazy.  I felt guilty because I wasn’t working and “contributing” to the family.  I found my identity in making money. Once that was taken away from me, I didn’t know who I was.  I felt like a liability to our family instead of an asset.  (The sad thing is this was the second time I went through this not making money identity crisis thing. But that is for a different blog on another day.)

I have 3 daughters now and I won’t say I’m over the crazy, I’m a hot mess and that will never change, but I’m over the identity crisis.

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I am a SAHM. I have food smeared on my shirt, pick up toys, vacuum the floors, do the dishes, the laundry, constantly tell a toddler “stop that” and change 1 million diapers every day.  Right now, my place is in the home and I’m, ok with that. I love that I stay home.  I’m fortunate my husband works hard so I can.

We went grocery shopping today.  The toddler threw a fit because I wouldn’t let her have the “brown pretzels” or walk around barefoot and the baby puked everywhere.  Oh well. I just had to deal with it and move on.  We all survived, therefore I’ll call this grocery store experience a success!

Mammas, listen to me.

Let go of the mom guilt that creeps up and realize YOU.ARE.AWESOME!!!  No matter where you find yourself BE YOU!  You are setting an example for the little people watching you and your actions teach more than your words. If you are a SAHM, rock it! You’re doing the hard work that no one sees but all appreciate.  If you’re a working mom, rock it! You’re showing your kids responsibility and work ethic.

Formula vs. breast milk.  Cloth diapers vs. disposables. Fresh green beans vs. canned. Organic vs. non organic. Day care vs. nanny. Public school vs. homeschool.  Frozen vs. homemade lasagna.  The list goes on and on…

Your life doesn’t have to look like anybody elses so don’t let their opinions get to you.   It’s your life so live it.  Love your babies to the best of your ability.  Take a deep breath.  It’s all gonna be ok.

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So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Cor 10:31.

Jammies With Feet

4 Jan

So as most of my readers know, I’m currently pregnant with my 3rd child.  I could go on and on about all the great things being a mom entails like unconditional love and good night kisses.  But I’m gonna be honest, my 2 favorite things are pinching dimply baby booties and jammies with feet.  We have a bath time routine of walking around the house and everyone pinches Willow’s sweet 20 month old booty.  The other day my husband was taking a shower and Willow was walking around the house looking for him and got sad when I put her in the bath without a booty pinch from her papa.

Jammies with feet are on a whole ‘nother level.  There is nothing cuter than a little girl walking around in fuzzy jammies with little monkey ears on her toes.  (I made up a song about jammies with feet, this proves my love.) But they have to be the kind with zippers.  The button up ones are the Devil.  Who ever decided it was a good idea to make a sleep deprived parent button up 15 buttons at 3am only to find the last button doesn’t match up will have a lot to answer for on judgement day.  I was changing Willow’s diaper and found a Christmas ornament caught in the foot and my husband found a few pens down there as well.  I never thought about it but I guess jammies with feet make the perfect place to stash things.

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That got me thinking, aren’t we just like those darn jammies.  We walk around looking all cute and put together but deep down we’re hiding things.

We want you to think your words don’t phase us, but deep down they’re killing us. We want you to think we are totally secure, qualified enough, put together enough, organized enough and in the perfect marriage.  We want you to think our kids are the best, our house is always this clean and we never burn the meatloaf.

No one is all of these things so why do we try?  Why do we put so much effort into being what we’re not?  Why do we care so much about what others think of us?

I know it’s hard not to let outside voices in but the truth is, there is only one voice that matters.  God’s. God says you are loved. Beautiful. Seen. Known. Matter. Heard. Holy. Righteous. Strong. Brave. The son or daughter of a heavenly king. Forgiven. Redeemed…YOU.ARE.ENOUGH.

So many things are thrown at us daily, fighting for our attention.  We need to learn what to focus on.  We need to learn the voice of truth.  We need to learn how to love ourselves and quit killing ourselves trying to be something we’re not.  Let’s quit being jammies with feet.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

 

2nd Grade…insert happy dance!

26 Aug

It that time again.  It comes once a year.  It’s when all the stay home parents say “AMEN” they get some peace and quiet again and it’s that time when all the working parents say “AMEN” because they no longer have to pay a fortune on all day child care.  If you don’t what I’m talking about you must not have kids.  If you have kids you know exactly what time it is…BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!

Going back to school is a wonderful day.  I am a stay home mom so this girl will be walking down the hall at 7:45am with a HUGE smile on my face doing the happy dance. But it takes a lot of preparation for this day tho.

For the last 2 weeks we have been going to bed early and getting up early.  I have a daughter that moves at the speed of molasses so mornings are stressful as we try to keep her focused and on track.  This is why we have been practicing for the last 2 weeks.  My goal is that I don’t end up screaming something like “put your doll down!  If I have to tell you to brush your teeth one more time I will just drag you to school with yucky teeth and morning breath and all the kids will call you the smelly kid and you don’t want to be the smelly kid!” (I am happy to report that no screaming, either from her or me, occurred!)

This day means literally seeing your kids get a year older.  This day means they go off on their own.  This day means they make their own choices.  Will they be good choices?  Will they be the choices you would make for them?  This day means, as parents, we let our grip on them loosen up a little bit more.  This day means they gain a little more independence.

The first day of school is wrapped up with all kinds of emotions for the kids as well as us the parents.  I am the mom that walks her child to class.  But I don’t just say bye at the door.  No sir!  I walk right in the classroom and kiss her goodbye in front of all her classmates.  I want the kids in her class to know me.  I want the kids to feel comfortable around me, but I also want them to know I if they mess with her, they have to see my face the next morning.

I am entrusting her to the teacher.  Teachers…BLESS THEM!  They have to put up with our crazy kids.  They have to wipe tears and settle disputes.  They have to teach the same thing to kids who learn differently.  They have to be stern and patient at the same time.  They have to be leaders and encouragers and stand in the gap for kids who’s parents aren’t pulling their weight.

This is my prayer for my daughter:

Lord, watch over Danica. Let her day be filled with wonder and new things. Help her make friends and get along with others. Let her not compromise herself to fit in. Help her to remember what is right and wrong and to choose right. Give her strength to defend herself and others against bullies. When the test is hard, let her remember she is smart. When girls are mean, let her remember she is loved. When boys are smooth, let her remember they are dumb. When she’s overwhelmed, let her remember your peace. Please help her to remember she is not alone and You are with her when momma and papa are not. Keep her safe and let her get really smart so when we’re old; she can afford to put us in a luxury nursing home.

Congratulations to everyone who survived the summer!!!  Happy first day of school!

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Pat Yourself on the Back

3 Jun

Today I was texting my pastor (well, he’s more than a pastor, he’s my friend, mentor, husband to a dear friend, father to amazing kids, Jesus lover and world changer)…anyway…I gave him a compliment for working so hard on our church’s new website.  The funny thing is, he wasn’t looking for a compliment and almost didn’t take it.  Sometimes compliments catch us by surprise.  Sometimes we don’t think we deserve them.  Sometimes we desperately crave one but no one is there to offer one.

If you don’t know this about me, I’m a Stay Home Mom.  I went into labor at work (was in denial so I drove myself to the hospital only to find out I was dilated to a 6) and never returned after my maternity leave.  It wasn’t planned it just happened.

I spend my days with a 13 month old while the big one’s at school (Summer Break starts in 2 days so I’m soaking in my last 48 hours of 1 child at my heels all day long.)  It only took a year, but I feel like I finally got this stay home mom thing down. The baby sleeps through the night now (angels sing hallelujah) which is a game changer and I can take on the world!  I can breath again, I finally stopped be a sleep-deprived-crank-monkey and started being silly again.  And now we’re gonna mess it up because we’re trying for another baby.

Today is Wednesday and Wednesday nights are hectic.  I rush home after the big one gets out of dance practice and throw something on the stove for dinner, we scarf it down then my husband runs out the door for worship practice.  Well, I planned ahead today.  I’m making Sloppy Joes for dinner; fancy, I know.  It’s 10 am I just chopped the onion, bell pepper and mushrooms because I knew I wouldn’t have time tonight.  I put the container of veggies in the fridge and stood there smiling feeling pretty proud of myself…this must be what Edmund Hillary felt like after conquering Mt Everest!

I look around and no one is here to join in my celebratory dance.  No one is here to say good job Katie or give me a hi-five.  No one is here to see that I just saved me 15 minutes of precious time in dinner preparation.  This is my company right now, and I’m not about to wake that sleeping giant:

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Dear mamma out there about to pull your hair out.  I know you have days where you feel unnoticed or unappreciated. I know you have days where you spend all day taking care of a young child, or maybe your day is spent taking care of an elderly parent, and you just feel unseen.  I know, I have days like that too.

The truth is you are seen.  You are noticed.  YOU.ARE.LOVED.  You are the daughter of a heavenly king and He sees everything you do.  He created the awe inspiring beauty of the stars down to the subtle beauty of a daisy and He created you.  He knew you from the beginning of time and has loved you ever since!

God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.  I’m an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.  You know when I leave and when I get back; I’m never out of your sight.  You know everything I’m going to say before I start the first sentence.  I look behind me and you’re there, then up ahead and you’re there, too – your reassuring presence, coming and going.  This is too much, too wonderful – I can’t take it all in!  Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight?  If I climb to the sky, you’re there! If I go underground, you’re there!  If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, You’d find me in a minute – you’re already there waiting!  Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I’m immersed in the light!”  It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.  Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb.  I thank you, High God – you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration – what a creation!  You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.  Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.  Your thoughts – how rare, how beautiful! God, I’ll never comprehend them!  I couldn’t even begin to count them – any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you! – Psalm 139:1-18 The Message
All those little things you do today that will go unnoticed, they’re noticed.  Sometimes we get too busy to point them out or say thank you so I’m gonna say it.  Mamma, thank you for all you do, go ahead and pat your self on the back, you deserve it!  Tonight, when you tuck a sweet one in and steel one last kiss and hear a sleepily whispered “I love you,” breathe that moment in.  You worked hard today.  You loved and that’s what matters.
Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Stop Thinking!

28 May

Me: “Good thing you don’t have homework tonight; you’ll need to get ready for dance as soon as you get home from school.”

7 year old daughter, Danica: “Ugh grrrr, hmmm”

Me: “Um, is there a werewolf in the back seat?”

Danica: “No…”

Me: “Ok, do you want to tell me why you’re growling?”

Danica: “The dance recital is coming up and I’m afraid I’ll mess up.”

Me: “Oh baby, I mess up all the time.”

Danica: “I know.”

Me: “Thanks for that. The only perfect person who ever walked this earth was whom?”

Danica: “Jesus.”

This happened a few days ago and I can’t stop thinking about it.  Did I handle it correctly?  How do I validate her feelings while trying to calm her fears?  How do I tell her it’s normal to be scared yet reassure her everything will be ok?  How do I turn this everyday conversation into a meaningful, heartfelt one?

Well first, I stop thinking because I can think myself into a headache.  And when I have a headache I want a Coke, and I don’t need a Coke, so stop thinking Katie!

All I can do is listen.  I’m great listener but a not so good calmer.  My first response it to say “calm down killer.  In the grand scheme of life your dance recital won’t make one bit of difference.”  This is usually when my husband steps in and reminds me that in her 7 year old world, this isn’t just a big deal, it’s the only deal.  I try to focus on the big picture so much that I forget the small moments matter because they make up the big picture.

I hope I’m not the only mamma out there struggling with this.  I hope I’m not the only one who worries that I trample over her feelings, that I give bad advice or that I gave advice when all she wanted was a hug.  I tell her “when life gets hard, shake your booty.”  I try so hard to make her tough that I forget she’s 7 and just wants me to wipe her tears and kiss her elbow.

To all the mammas out there (and the papas, I know a few of you read my blog) you’re doing a great job!  Stop thinking and just be.  Be the listener, the advice giver and the hugger.  If you mess up, be the parent that says you’re sorry.  Relax and just breathe; your kids think you’re way better than you think you are.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

If She Could Talk

13 Aug

Two of my favorite things about babies: jammies with feet and fuzzy heads.  I LOVE jammies with feet so much I have a song about them.  A co-worker once told me they “like” jammies with feet because they are “convenient.”  That hurt my heart.  You shouldn’t use them because they are convenient.  You should put them on your babies because they are the cutest things in the world and make your heart happy!  What is better than little monkeys on their butts and monkey paws on their feet?  Nothing, I tell you, nothing.

I also love fuzzy heads.  I hate getting up at 3:30am to feed a cranky baby but after she’s calmed down, I get to snuggle her head.  I sit there with my eyes closed and a smile on my face. With her head resting against my cheek, I sit there and thank God for my girls.  I thank Him for loving me so much he gave me them.  I also pray that I will be the mom he created me to be and the mom they deserve.  My relationship with my own mother was rocky and I pray with all my heart it won’t be that way with them.  I pray they know I love them and they realize they will never lived an unloved moment in their lives.

The other good thing about babies is they don’t talk back.  I get about 18 months of sassy free love.  Sometimes, however, I wish she could talk.

When she was born, I hoped to stay home but we weren’t sure yet if it was possible.  The first 6 weeks she was an angel.  My husband and I finally decided that I would stay home so I had to tell my boss.  The minute I did that, she turned into a major crank monkey.  It’s like she tricked me, pretending to be all cute and good so I would stay home.  Some say 6 weeks is too early to be conniving, but I’m not sure.

She was constantly crying and the only way I could make her happy was to feed her.  I would give her a bottle and then 20 minutes later give her another one.  Now, most people would catch on real quick, but not me.  This went of for about 2 weeks before I finally realized I was starving her!  I was giving her what I thought she needed, not what she actually needed.  Once I upped her milk intake she was better but I was still constantly feeding her so I jumped the gun and added rice cereal to her bottles.  My girl like to eat.  If she would have just said “mamma, I’m still hungry” both of our lives would have been easier.

I rub A&D ointment on her to prevent diaper rash.  The store was out so I had to buy the white Zinc stuff.  The very next diaper change I noticed her tush was red.  I thought it was diaper rash so I slathered the cream on.  I noticed every time I wiped her, she would start screaming.  Not cute baby cry but blood curdling scream.  I knew her tush must hurt from the rash so I would apply more cream.  It took me almost 24 hours to realize the cream was the problem.  Poor thing.  I was liberally applying the very stuff that was causing the redness.  My poor baby.  If she would have just said “stop mamma, that cream hurts” both our lives would have been easier.

You’d think I’m a first time mom, but I’m not.  Its a miracle my first born is 6 1/2 years old.

Dear mammas out there.  You,re amazing!  What you do matters!  Even if you think you suck, I promise it will get better.  Find comfort in the fact that kids don’t remember anything the first few years anyway.  I think God did that on purpose so they won’t remember all the things we did wrong while we were learning how to be mammas.  Wipe your baby’s tears, your tears and then take a deep breath.

You. Are. Awesome.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Hello Teacher

24 Aug

So it’s that time of year again…..back to school. Well, actually it’s not an “again” for us; it’s a first. Our sweet little girl, who’s missing her two bottom teeth, is headed to kindergarten. She’s been going to Pre-K for the last 2 years so backpacks, folders and bagged lunches isn’t new to us, but the fact she’s at a real school with a real attendance policy with really big 5th graders is.

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We met the teacher the other night. I headed there straight from work and I realized I had a problem on my hands. You see, for some reason unknown to me, I actually dressed professionally that day. The first impression the teacher will have of me is I’m professional……um, so NOT me! I didn’t want to set the bar too high so I texted Brandn at the last minute asking him to bring my Toms, to make my outfit more “Katie.”

A teacher can learn a lot about the child by meeting the parents. I didn’t want her to size me up as a serious, put together kind of mom. I was hoping my outfit conveyed the message that I work so I won’t be the “crafty, class mom” and that if I’m supposed to bring something that day I will probably leave it sitting by the door where I obviously left it so it wouldn’t be forgotten. I’m the mom that will drop Danica off on time but will most likely expose herself to the students b/c when I wear dresses, they end up tucked in my panties quite often.

I’m entrusting my sweet daughter to her teacher. Her teacher, whose name I have already forgotten, is super sweet and gives off a good vibe. She’s young so she has a lot of energy and still believes she can impact the kids and make a difference in their lives. She hasn’t become calloused like the poor teachers that have to deal with stinky, know-it-all, teenagers.

I get to drop her off every day at school. I almost cried when I realized this. I won’t be able to pick her up so dropping her off is huge. She’s still young and I’m still cool and not embarrassing. I want her to have a kiss, a hug and a smile from me last thing before she heads off to face the tough day of coloring, reading and sharing. I know the day will come when she asks me to stay in the car and not walk her to the door. I will die a little and after my crying fit, I will spend the rest of the day plotting my sweet revenge for tomorrow morning. That day is not today so I will enjoy the sweet kisses while they last.

Here is my prayer for her:
Lord, watch over Danica. Let her day be filled with wonder and new things. Help her make friends and get along with others. Let her not compromise herself to fit in. Help her to remember what is right and wrong and to choose right. Give her strength to defend herself and others against bullies. When the test is hard, let her remember she is smart. When girls are mean, let her remember she is loved. When boys are smooth, let her remember they are dumb. When she’s overwhelmed, let her remember your peace. Please help her to remember she is not alone and You are with her when momma and papa are not. Keep her safe and let her get really smart so when we’re old; she can afford to put us in a luxury nursing home.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.