Tag Archives: children

Less Than 3 Hours

12 Dec

6:06 am –  Got up.

Chug a glass of water/get a cup of coffee.

Move the Elf on the Shelf that I forgot to move last night.

Wake up oldest daughter/make her lunch and get her ready for school.

Clean up milk said child spilled.

Put laundry in washing machine.

Wash breakfast dishes.

Put middle child on potty and bribe her with jelly beans.

Clean up jellybeans.

Email adoption papers for some lovely friends.

Add UpScale DownHome cookbook to my husband’s Amazon “wish list.”  This is the only thing I want for Christmas and if he knows what’s best for  him, he’ll order it for me. (Love you bunches babe!)

Get middle child dressed.

Get myself dressed.  (I’m usually rocking comfy pants when my husband comes home but I got a new sweater the other day and I wore it to church yesterday and got several compliments so I decided rewearing a sweater is better than my usual pink sweatpants.)

Cut the middle child’s fingernails.

Put laundry in dryer.

Cook some eggs. (We have chickens and ducks, and for the life of me, I have no idea which kind I cooked.  I’m backyard illiterate.)

Convince middle child chocolate chips are not breakfast.

Kinda open a cheesestick  but not all the way because she HAS to open it “by myself.”

Tell same child stop yelling at the dog because the dog is NOT trying to eat her cheesestick.

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Eat cold eggs. (Hey, at least I know they are eggs.)

Share cold eggs with middle child even tho she said she didn’t want any. (Yes I know I do the same thing with my husband, especially if he has french fries, he says it’s super annoying. But we’ve been married for 15 years so he should know better.)

Plead with middle child to drink apple juice out of the orange cup because juice is already in it and I don’t want to wash ANOTHER cup.

Get green cup.

Hear baby wake up and look at clock.

9:02…9:02!!  You’re freakin’ kidding me!!!! It’s only 9:02?!?!? I’ve been up less than 3 hours and I feel like I’ve run a marathon.  Actually I’ve never ran a full marathon.  I’ve ran a half marathon and I’m more tired right now than I was after crossing the finish line.

I’ve reheated my coffee twice and I still haven’t finished it yet.

Mommas. This is life isn’t it?

Yesterday, at church my pastor was talking about “being called.”  We might not be living the life we imagined but we are called to live the life we have.  Whether we realize it or not, we have a circle of influence and it’s up to us to influence it positively or negatively.

You might be a stay at home mom who’s screaming on the inside because you desperately want to get back to an office.  Like everyday you are away, you’re loosing a piece of you. To make deals, close accounts, make bigger decisions than what leggins go with what shirt.  To sit at a desk and drink a hot cup of coffee in peace while catching up on morning emails. Stay at home momma, keep rocking your messy bun; you have earned every beautiful hair out of place.  You are a CEO and doing what it takes to run a successful household, you’re providing a loving and safe place for your babies when they come home from school.

You might be a working mom feeling guilty every second you’re away.  Desperately wishing you were the one rocking that baby of yours to sleep. Longing for the day when you can stay home and make homemade spaghetti sauce instead of opening a jar.  That you were the one kissing skinned knees and wiping away the tears. Working momma, keep rocking your business attire.  You are doing what it takes to pay the bills and to make sure your babies are feed, safe and warm at night.

I’ve been a momma in both worlds and it’s super easy to look at where you are and to long to be somewhere else.  I know what you are going through. YOU.ARE.ENOUGH.  You are loved. You are seen.  You are beautiful. You are forgiven.

You are where you are called to be.  Right now.  In this moment.  Take a deep breath and smile.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Cor 10:31

PS – These are actual events, I took notes this morning.

PPS – I still haven’t finished my coffee yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Tub of Tears

22 Jun

Brandn said our 2 month old daughter’s head stunk.  What?!?!  We had spent some time earlier at the Farmer’s Market so I wasn’t sure if her head smelt like patchouli, hemp or organic beet juice.  It didn’t smell like those, in fact, it didn’t smell like anything at all.  According to my husband, if her head doesn’t smell like Johnson & Johnson’s it stinks.  For fear of her being the stinky kid in the church nursery tomorrow, I gave her a bath.

While looking into her eyes and washing her sweet little toes I start to tear up.  These were not tears of joy and gratitude because God gave me this precious gift to love.  Nor were they tears of pride knowing this little girl will grow up to be awesome because, after all, she’s half me.  No, they were tears of heartache because I know there are sweet babies out there that have never had a bath.

Baths, something we take for granted.  I am so thankful that my girls live in a house where they have water at their disposal.  I shed tears for the tiny ones that live in places where hot clean water doesn’t exist.  For children who have to walk miles for water that we wouldn’t dream of touching.  Tears for babies that are dirty because their parents are consumed with other stuff that prevents them from even noticing their children.  Tears for children whose bellies never get full.  Tears for babies that will never experience love.  Tears for girls that are so desperate for love they will do anything for it…tears.

We sponsor children, babies and pregnant women through World Vision and Compassion International but is this enough?  No.  My heart aches for children who don’t have the basic necessities to live and my heart also aches because there is so much more I could do about it, but don’t.  I volunteered with Big Brothers Big Sisters but had to stop when I was pregnant; I didn’t have any energy and I needed sleep and our weekly outings were physically draining on me.

All I want to do is love on some children.  I want to do more than just send money.  I want to love physically and fiercely.  I want to give hugs and wipe skinned knees.  God knows this desire of my heart, He’s the one that put it there.  I don’t know how or when but He will see it done and rock my world while doing it.

 

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

A Brave New World

17 Jun

Nope, sorry slacker high-school students, this isn’t a book report; you’re gonna have to read the Cliff’s Notes on your own.  I read this book in high school and honestly, I don’t remember a single thing about it.

I am embarking on a brave new world.  I’m saying sayonara to the “corporate” world and hello to the “did I take a shower yesterday” world, also known as a Stay Home Mom.

I decided not to go back after my maternity leave; this was something both my husband and I wanted for a while but didn’t think it possible.  We think it’s gonna work out financially, but we’ll see.  I’m betting my sanity runs out before the money does.  My older daughter and I are so alike yet so different there will be days when we’re both in time-out..

For the older one: I want to be the one to take you to school and pick you up.  I want to be the mom that knows all the kids and volunteers at your school.  I will be all up in your business.  I aspire to be “that” mom.  You know, the one that brings raisins and applesauce cupcakes laced with carrots and spinach on Halloween and give everyone my cell phone number to plan play dates.  I have bought a new “stay home mom” wardrobe so that I look cute when I’m at your school; my actions will embarrass you, my clothes will not.  I want you to know your day matters to me.

For the baby:  I want to be the one feeding you and changing your diapers.  I want to be the one that kisses your tears away when you’re screaming and I have no idea why and then start crying with you.  I want to be the one to snuggle you in the afternoon when we both have calmed down.  I want to be the one to get your smiles and I want you to get mine.  I want you to know your day matters to me.

For my husband:  I want to be the one to great you after work with a hug and I promise I won’t be wearing the same pjs as when you left.  I want the house to always be clean not disgusting.  Now that I’m doing the grocery shopping I will try my hardest to always have hummus and Triscuits for you (we’re out of hummus, maybe this will start tomorrow.)  I will do more cooking but I can’t guarantee you will always like it.  I want you to know your day matters to me.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

How He Loves

23 May

So there’s this song that used to make me cry every time I heard it, well not every time but 90% of the time.  (No, it’s not the Christmas Shoe song.  I know this song touches a lot of people, but I guess my heart is a little too cold.)  The first time was years ago when I dropped my daughter off on my way to work.  You see, I had been home with her for 7 months and I was going back to work.  It’s not like I was dropping her off at a day care where she didn’t know anybody; I dropped her off with my mother-in-law, so I knew she was in great hands.  I drove off and this song came on and I cried my eyes out.  I’m not talking cute cry, I’m talking ugly, snot slinging cry.

I felt horrible.  I felt guilty for going back to work, heartbroken that my mother-in-law would spend more time with her than I would, guilty for not enjoying every single second I had with her – let’s be honest, potty training sucks but I was looking back and remembering pee spots with fondness.  I’m a momma and when my “momma guilt” kicks in, it kicks in heavy.

When we decided to leave our very comfortable life (good paying jobs, home, family, insurance) in San Angelo, Tx and move to Austin, Tx (where we had no jobs, no home, no family nor insurance) I would cry even harder whenever I heard the same song.

I wouldn’t cry because it’s sad.  I cried because it’s about God’s beautiful love for us.  I cried because we moved away from family (Brandn’s mom, my mom, my sister-in-law) people I miss dearly.  But because God loves me, He provided friends that became family.  Even though we didn’t have insurance, God provided by keeping us safe and healthy.

The crying has since stopped…until last Sunday that is.  We were at church and the worship team sang it.  I was there with my husband and holding my 5 week old daughter and the tears started again.  Every good and perfect gift is from God and there I was with my latest gift, my baby girl.  I waited a long time for her and shed a lot of “I want a baby” tears in the 6.5 years between the births of my girls.

If I were to step back and look at my life, I would see how God never left my side; even when I didn’t see Him, feel Him or when I turned my back on Him.  His hand has been all over my life and it’s a beautiful reminder of how much He loves me….and you.

Some people find it hard to believe that God loves them.  We project our worldly understanding of love onto Him.  It’s hard to grasp the immense love God has for us because we haven’t experienced that kind of love from people.  When people who are supposed to love us and make us feel safe hurt us it taints our understanding of love.  How can you understand true love when your father was absent, your mother abandoned you, your grandfather did horrible things to you, your step-dad was mean, your spouse abused you?  It doesn’t make sense.

Let me tell you…God loves you.  The Bible says “We love Him because He loved us first.”  He loved us first, that’s it.  Not because of anything we did or will do.  He simply loves us.  He knows every thing that is ugly and true about us.  He knows every unspoken thought.  He doesn’t hold anything against us. It’s an unconditional love and it’s pure and true.

I look at my girls and I love them so much it hurts; there is no possible way I could love them any more.  I think of all the parents who have lost children and it kills me.  I pray all the time for God to protect my girls because if anything ever happened to them I would seriously go crazy.  And then I think God loves me way more than I love my girls and that blows my mind!!  He simply loves me because I’m me.

And He  loves you because you are you.

Get comfy for the next 4 minutes and watch this and let the words sink in.

 

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.