Archive | Uncategorized RSS feed for this section

Grab a Bottle

28 Dec

I have a 9 year old daughter.  She makes me a better person. I thank God every night that he chose me to be her mom, that I get to love her and kiss her anytime I want (If you see the cute little boy from Sweet Home Alabama, you are my people!) I pray constantly that she’ll grow into a Godly woman. She has the sweetest heart and I look at her and I’m in awe.

Then I walk into her room and all the warm fuzzies are gone!  Not just gone, but dead, buried under a 2 foot pile of dog poo.  This room is my demise.  I try to ignore it as long as I can and suppress my feelings, but it never lasts.  Inevitably, I crack.  Then I go into a throwing out rage.  My daughter and I fight.  EVERYTHING.IS.SPECIAL.  Toys that she has completely forgotten about all of a sudden become the world’s greatest toy and she will tell me who gave it to her and all why her life will be utterly destroyed if I chunk it. Things are said, feelings are hurt and tears are shed. It gets ugly and I’m not proud of myself in these moments.

We got her a bunk bed for Christmas.  In order for it to fit, we had to get rid of her 3 foot tall Barbie house.  Barbie can’t be homeless so getting rid of her house means getting rid of her (all 15 of them) and her million outfits and shoes and purses and car, and if you can’t tell, I hate Barbie.  I hate everything about her and the thought of removing all of it from our house made we way happier than it should.

But I didn’t want to fight with my 9 year old and I was dreading the meltdown that was in my very near future.  I swear the Holy Spirit spoke to me.  He said “Katie, sweet and beautiful Katie with whom I am pleased.  Pour yourself a glass of wine, actually, forget the glass and grab the bottle.  Disregard the fact that it’s only 8:46 in the morning.  Let her binge watch Netflix and get in that room.”

Yall, when the Holy Spirit speaks, YOU LISTEN! I was me versus the closet.  I had God on my side so I knew I would be victorious. I shut the door so she could not enter.  The rule was she couldn’t ask me what I threw away.  Out of a whole pile, she only busted me on 1 toy, so I gave it back.

closet

Her room is so cozy, she has a reading corner and Christmas lights.  In one afternoon, it transformed from little girl’s to a big girl’s room.  She aged before my eyes.  My baby is growing is up.  I remember the day she was born, her first steps, and her first day of pre-K.  Now she gets things for me when I’m too lazy to walk across the entire grocery store and she’s on a dance team with teen agers.  She’s big, but not too big to be dropped off at her classroom door or snuggle every night at bed time.  She’s growing up and I can’t do anything about that, but for now, I’ll just hang on to her while I’m still cool.

d

 

Which Part Wins

19 Dec

Part of me know I had to do it.  Part of me didn’t want to.  Part of me knew Jesus was in this moment.  Part of me didn’t want to. Part of me knew I was standing on Holy ground. Part of me didn’t want to. Part of me wanted to walk away and pretend I never saw her. Part of me didn’t want to.

Fast forward 3 hours to church.  We sang this song.

For the unclean, the unholy
For the broken, the unworthy
You came, Jesus you came

For the wounded, for the hurting
For the lost, and for the lonely
You came, Jesus you came

I was wrecked!  Gone.  Tears wouldn’t stop. It was ugly.

Then the pastor said this:

When Jesus stepped ashore, he was met by a demon-possessed man from the town. For a long time this man had not worn clothes or lived in a house, but had lived in the tombs. Luke 8:26 (If you don’t know this story, Jesus heals him.)

The woman from the morning, was this man.

She was demon possessed. Her demon came in the form of drugs, and she was bound.  She was hallucinating. In this moment, she was reliving events from her past that no one should have to endure, ever. She was in pain. She made me uncomfortable.  I din’t want the kids with us to see or hear her. I wanted to walk away, so, I did.

This woman lived on the streets, her house was a pile of dirty blankets.

Her life was a tomb, she was living in death.  I can’t imagine living her life.  To be bound. To see no way out.  To have to use drugs to make it through the day.  To try and forget the past; but to relive it daily.

I talk a lot about being the hands and feet of Jesus. It’s not that hard right? If your church is collecting items for the needy, it’s easy to plan ahead and buy extra items from the store, or clean out your closet and donate clothes you don’t like anymore.  But when you don’t plan ahead.  When the moment is unexpected and raw.  When you have a decision to make right then and there, it’s hard.

The grace of Jesus is he give us second chances. Peter denied Jesus 3 times before Jesus’s death.  But by grace, he was given a second chance after Jesus’s resurrection to profess his love for Jesus 3 times.

Like the above song says.  Jesus came for unclean, unholy, broken, unworthy, wounded, hurting, lost and lonely.  These words described the woman in front of me.  Jesus came for her.  I needed to bring Jesus to her, in a way she could see and feel. But the truth is, those words describe me too.  Its easy to look at people and be cynical.  To judge them and their life choices. Jesus came for her just as much as me.

I was given a second chance too.  I ended up face to face with the woman when I realized she didn’t have shoes. (Did I mention it was 20 degrees outside?)  I knew what I had to do. Part of me didn’t want to.

I was crying when I got in the van.  One of the young girls with us asked if I was crying because I gave her my shoes and was so happy to help her.  BLESS.  I told her “No.  I’m crying because I really liked those shoes.”

socks

I’m not as selfless as I would like to be.  Selfless is hard.  But when the opportunity presents it’s self, which part wins?

A Public Prayer

13 Sep

Wow, I just noticed it’s been almost 6 months since my last blog post. I’ll blame it on the fact that I have an almost 7 month old.  See what I did there?  I totally deflected responsibility.  I’m fully anticipating all 3 of my daughters spending tons of money in therapy later and everything will be my fault, its OK, I accept this.  So while I still can, I’ll blame my lack of blogmenship on them.

Now, to my actual blog…

I love music.  80s love ballads and 90s boy bands are my absolute favorite.  I have 10 Pandora stations; I never listen to just one station though, it’s always on shuffle (unless I’m running, then it’s only my Spice Girls station.)  No matter the genre, Jesus Culture, Bethel and Elevation Worship is on every one of them, so pretty much every other song is one of those bands.  Jesus Culture comes on so much that whenever my husband hears them he says “all day everyday.”

Last week at church we sang this song.  Here As In Heaven by Elevation.  Do yourself a favor and listen to it.  Now listen to it again. I can’t sing this song without busting out into prayer, I hope this song inspires you to pray too.

The atmosphere is changing now
For the spirit of the Lord is here
The evidence is all around
That the spirit of the Lord is here

Overflow in this place
Fill our hearts with your love
Your love surrounds us
You’re the reason we came
To encounter your love
Your love surrounds us

Spirit of God fall fresh on us
We need your presence
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
Here as in heaven

A miracle can happen now
For the spirit of the Lord is here
The evidence is all around
That the spirit of the Lord is here

Jesus, thank you so much for your love.  Thank you that you love me.  Thank you that we don’t have to clean ourselves up to come to you.  Thank you that you wait for us with open arms.  That you see us and know us.  That you make us better.  Thank you that you walk with us.  That you aren’t a statue on the wall but you’re alive right now and walking amongst us.  Thank you that your blood was shed for me, that I’m forgiven.  Thank you that the devil has to flee at your name.  Thank you that you are the one true God and that all names bow before you.  Thank you for turning heartbreak to joy and ugly to beautiful. That you come in and do what only you can do.  Thank you that through you, we are victorious.  That chains are broken and we can get to the other side. Amen.

Did You Know?

25 Mar

We all know the song “Mary Did You Know”  but what I want to know is Jesus, did you know?

Sunday is coming.  This Sunday is Easter.  On Easter, we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus.  We can celebrate that everyday, correction, we SHOULD celebrate that everyday but on Easter it’s different.  We celebrate the fact that Jesus rose form the dead, that he’s alive, that he’s with us and not just a statue on a wall or above our fireplace.  Humans made a mess of this world and Jesus came willingly to this earth.  He knew what was going to happen and yet he came.  He came, died and rose 3 days later for me, for you, for everyone.

I currently live in the world of newborn; I have a sweet little 5 week old.  I look at her and I’m amazed.  I’m amazed that God loved me so much that he sent me her (and her 2 older sisters.)  I watch as she looks around and takes it all in.  I hold her to my face and whisper “I love you” and I wonder if she knows what that means.  Her tiny little hands grasp my finger and I thank God for blessing me with her.

Then I think of Mary and my mind is blown!

She experienced this same beautiful love story with Jesus. WITH JESUS.  The Christ Child.  The Savior of the world.  The Beginning and the End.  Christ is the visible image of the invisible God. He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation.  Col 1:15   He is over all creation. When surprises come up that knock me on my butt, he is steady. He knows tomorrow.  He knows my life story and how it will end.

Did he know this as a baby?  While my newborn is looking at me trying to figure out who this crazy lady is, was Jesus looking at Mary and knowing her story?  Did he look at her and see her future heartbreak and did that break his heart?

When he took his first breath, did he know that in 33 short years, he would be taking first breaths again after he died and rose?

When he got hurt and ran to his mamma and wrapped his arms around her for a comforting hug, did he know that those arms would be stretched out on a cross for all of us?

When Mary looked at him and her heart could just burst with love, did he know that one day her heart would burst because it was breaking as she witnessed people falsely accusing him?

When he was playing with his brother James, did he know that one day James would publicly disgrace him but then become a major player in the new church?

I don’t get it.  I can’t wrap my brain around this.  So much about Christianity is a mystery, but that’s the point of faith.  All I know is, is that Jesus loves me, he loves you too.  I pray you accept his love and allow it to heal your parts that are broken.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

 

It’s Time to be Brave!

23 Sep

I’m laying on my couch, alone, in the dark, wrapped up in a super plush, awesome blanket.  My 18 month old is sleeping and I NEED a nap.  But I can’t sleep.  As much as I want too, as much as I know a nap will prevent me from being cranky tonight, I feel a tug in my heart to get up and grab the computer and type.

I’m currently reading Let’s All Be Brave, Living A Life With Everything You Have by Annie Downs. (OMG!  As I googled things to link to her name, I came across this.  Even after staring at her picture on the back cover, I didn’t realize I know her.  Well, I don’t actually know her but I feel like I do.  I’ve been listening to her for months while doing the IF Equip daily devotions.  Now I love her even more!) READ.THIS.BOOK!  Stop what you are doing right now, after you finish reading my blog of course, and head to Half Priced Books, or wherever you like to pay full price for books, and buy a copy!!!

We have a notion that being brave requires us to do big things.  Like sell your home, give everything you own to the poor and move to a 3rd world country. Yes, that is brave, but is it for everyone?  Absolutely not!  Roaches cause me to cry, sweat, cuss and have a heart rate that is deadly for my body.  I need to live in a country where I can run like a mad woman and empty a whole can of RAID on one bug.

I don’t feel brave.  Sure, I’ve had brave moments but that’s all…moments.  Most of the time I allow a lie to creep into my head and I dwell on it till I’m crying over this created situation and completely living in fear.  I’m very open about fear.  I’ve blogged about it, cussed about it, cried about it, laughed about it, preached about it, done women’s events about it.  I even have a tattoo on my forearm to look at everyday to remind me that Jesus is right beside me and to believe Him and not the lie.  Because that’s all fear is, a lie that we have started to believe.  We have a choice, do we believe the lie or the truth.  It seems so simple yet it is so hard.

I haven’t completely kicked fear’s butt, but I remember the day I had enough. The day I threw the first punch.

I was at a women’s conference and Lisa Harper did a bravery alter call.  I knew she was talking to me, but to answer an alter call, takes courage, an act of bravery which is exactly what I was lacking at that moment of my life.  (If you’ve ever answered an alter call, you know what I mean!)  I found it ironic, asking fearful women to walk up to the alter, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, to receive prayer on bravery.  I knew I had to walk up but my feet were glued to the floor.  I was right next to my pastor’s wife, my friend, my mentor, the woman that reminds me to breath. She thought I was brave.  My husband and I quit jobs, sold our house, and moved to the big city to help plant a church with her and her husband, along with a few other crazy couples!  That’s brave ya’ll!

But I can’t consider myself brave because I’ve done brave things.  I was currently living a life wrapped in fear.  I was a fake, my facade of bravery had finally crashed down all around me (and it had the audacity to do it in public not in the nice private comfort of my own home.  How Rude!)  I had no choice but to walk up to the front.

Being brave isn’t doing big things.  It’s what you do everyday.  It’s facing sickness head on.  It’s daily walking into a job that you know isn’t your dream job but it’s where you are now.  It’s falling in love.  It’s waking up and getting out of bed.  It’s saying yes to certain things and no to others. It’s admitting you’re wrong and saying please forgive me.  It’s walking away from something bad for you.  It’s closing a door and daring to imagine you life differently.  It’s writing that check.  It’s getting on that plane.

You know what your next step of bravery looks like.  You know what you have to do.  Do it my friend!  Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or discouraged.  For the Lord, your God, will be with you where ever you go. Joshua 1:9 Do it and have confidence in yourself and the talents God gave you.

If you need help being brave today, listen to No Longer Slaves by Bethel.  Now that you’re feeling fiesty listen to It Is Well. Have the courage to admit that even tho your life may not look like what you thought it would, it is well and you have trust that you are exactly where God has you and HE.IS.WITH.YOU.   When Jesus died on the cross and the veil was torn, in THAT moment, we gained direct access to Him.  That His presences hovers over us and give us boldness.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Bubble Wrap

8 Jun

Our TV has been going out for months.  Half of the screen goes black, you have to bang the heck out of the bottom, right corner.  If you’re lucky that fixes it, but usually it just causes the screen to flip and the opposite side goes black.  My husband has been trying to convince me we need a new one.  We don’t watch a lot of TV so I can totally deal with only watching half a screen.  Every time he mentions it, “1st world problem” and “I’m pretty sure no parent in Africa has ever uttered those words, ever!” comes out of my mouth.  Then it happened, all of a sudden the screen went from normal to a brilliant display of orange and yellow and then it was no more.  I was sad because the hubs was changing the baby’s diaper and he missed the final moment.

My living room floor is covered in a layer of bubble wrap and there is a new and bigger TV hanging on my wall, I lost the argument.  But I refuse to budge on the “We Don’t Need Cable” stand I took 6 years ago.

My girls have been digging the bubble wrap for the last several hours.  The big one has been popping, stomping, rolling and making contests of who can pop the most bubbles the fastest.  The baby is just happy playing peek-a-boo.  I had fun popping them for about 10 minutes but now I’m totally over the constant noise.

FullSizeRender

This got me thinking, isn’t bubble wrap just like life?  Something so fun and exciting can quickly turn into something so irritating.  How often do we start something new (exercising or eating healthy or a new daily routine) and we’re so gung-ho, but it’s harder than we anticipated and it quickly turns into a pain in the butt and we get discouraged and stop?

I run.  I love working up a sweat and when I hear my running app tell me I’m on mile 4, I feel so accomplished.  As much as I love it tho, I can talk myself out of running in a heartbeat.  Getting motivated is the hardest part but once I’m dressed in my running clothes, it’s game on.

If you’re starting something new, good luck, I wish you success!  You’ll have days where you want to quit.  You’ll have days where the pain is just too much.  If you’re here, I want to encourage you to stick with it.  Take a step back and remember why you decided to start in the first place.  The results will be worth the pain, I promise!

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Miles of Calfs

16 Feb

February 15, 2015.

The day after Valentine’s Day. Exactly 10 months after I pushed an 8 pound, 7 oz baby from my body.  It’s also the day I ran my first Half Marathon!  I say “first” because I.WILL.DO.IT.AGAIN.  My friend ran the full marathon, she’s crazy, she’s also pictured below.  I ran the half, therefore I’m only half crazy.  Logic enough…moving on!

It was so amazing.  15,000 people gathered in downtown Austin to run, sweat and cuss together. I felt pretty darn good around mile 6 and I thought maybe I won’t turn off at mile 10 for the half and I’ll keep trucking along with my friend and run all 26.2 miles.  This was a fleeting thought and then I came to my senses.  I gave her a hi-5 at the split and went on my jovial way to the finish line….duces sucker!  I say that with love.  She knows I’m in awe of her and think she’s awesome!

When I run, I look at the road about 10 feet in front of me.  So this means I saw 13.1 miles of calfs.  All kinds of calfs show up to run a marathon and for your reading pleasure I’ll give you a glimpse into my mind while staring at them:

-Wow, those calfs are shiny.

-She has perfect calfs, I wished my calfs liked like that.

-Ewww, he needs to wax.  I wonder if his bed is covered in body hair.

-Those socks are awesome.

-What a cool tattoo…I want a tattoo.

-I don’t get that tattoo.

-I think those are the biggest calfs I have ever seen.

-That chick is barefoot.  She looks like a hippie, she needs a hula-hoop.

Don’t judge me.  I was running and the blood was flowing to my legs not my brain.  After 10 miles I was tired so it was perfect timing when I saw my husband and girls right after the split; their cheering was a very appreciated boost to finish the last 3 miles.  I saw my daughter waving at someone other than me and I thought who in the world would my 7 year old daughter know running in a marathon.  It turns out her teacher was in front of me and I spend the next 3 miles stalking the ladies with long brown hair; I never found her.

Take a look at your calfs.  They are yours and no matter what thought is running through your head, I hope you find them beautiful.  We are so judgmental and usually our toughest critique, I know I am.  You may look at your body right now and think you’re too big or thin and want to change it.  That’s ok!  There is no harm in wanting to be healthy but first we have to get our brains healthy.  We have to be able to look at ourselves and not hate what we see.  We have to love ourselves before we can truly love others.  You are beautiful.  Smile and be happy today.

Before.

Before.

Getting a hi-5 from my daughter at mile 10.  Photo cred to my husband.  I told him if he takes a pic I better look good and not shlumpy and gross...he did good. lol

Getting a hi-5 from my daughter at mile 10. Photo cred to my husband. I told him if he takes a pic I better look good and not shlumpy and gross…he did good. lol

After Marathon

After

Thanks for allowing me to share  my world with you…welcome to my brain.