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Less Than 3 Hours

12 Dec

6:06 am –  Got up.

Chug a glass of water/get a cup of coffee.

Move the Elf on the Shelf that I forgot to move last night.

Wake up oldest daughter/make her lunch and get her ready for school.

Clean up milk said child spilled.

Put laundry in washing machine.

Wash breakfast dishes.

Put middle child on potty and bribe her with jelly beans.

Clean up jellybeans.

Email adoption papers for some lovely friends.

Add UpScale DownHome cookbook to my husband’s Amazon “wish list.”  This is the only thing I want for Christmas and if he knows what’s best for  him, he’ll order it for me. (Love you bunches babe!)

Get middle child dressed.

Get myself dressed.  (I’m usually rocking comfy pants when my husband comes home but I got a new sweater the other day and I wore it to church yesterday and got several compliments so I decided rewearing a sweater is better than my usual pink sweatpants.)

Cut the middle child’s fingernails.

Put laundry in dryer.

Cook some eggs. (We have chickens and ducks, and for the life of me, I have no idea which kind I cooked.  I’m backyard illiterate.)

Convince middle child chocolate chips are not breakfast.

Kinda open a cheesestick  but not all the way because she HAS to open it “by myself.”

Tell same child stop yelling at the dog because the dog is NOT trying to eat her cheesestick.

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Eat cold eggs. (Hey, at least I know they are eggs.)

Share cold eggs with middle child even tho she said she didn’t want any. (Yes I know I do the same thing with my husband, especially if he has french fries, he says it’s super annoying. But we’ve been married for 15 years so he should know better.)

Plead with middle child to drink apple juice out of the orange cup because juice is already in it and I don’t want to wash ANOTHER cup.

Get green cup.

Hear baby wake up and look at clock.

9:02…9:02!!  You’re freakin’ kidding me!!!! It’s only 9:02?!?!? I’ve been up less than 3 hours and I feel like I’ve run a marathon.  Actually I’ve never ran a full marathon.  I’ve ran a half marathon and I’m more tired right now than I was after crossing the finish line.

I’ve reheated my coffee twice and I still haven’t finished it yet.

Mommas. This is life isn’t it?

Yesterday, at church my pastor was talking about “being called.”  We might not be living the life we imagined but we are called to live the life we have.  Whether we realize it or not, we have a circle of influence and it’s up to us to influence it positively or negatively.

You might be a stay at home mom who’s screaming on the inside because you desperately want to get back to an office.  Like everyday you are away, you’re loosing a piece of you. To make deals, close accounts, make bigger decisions than what leggins go with what shirt.  To sit at a desk and drink a hot cup of coffee in peace while catching up on morning emails. Stay at home momma, keep rocking your messy bun; you have earned every beautiful hair out of place.  You are a CEO and doing what it takes to run a successful household, you’re providing a loving and safe place for your babies when they come home from school.

You might be a working mom feeling guilty every second you’re away.  Desperately wishing you were the one rocking that baby of yours to sleep. Longing for the day when you can stay home and make homemade spaghetti sauce instead of opening a jar.  That you were the one kissing skinned knees and wiping away the tears. Working momma, keep rocking your business attire.  You are doing what it takes to pay the bills and to make sure your babies are feed, safe and warm at night.

I’ve been a momma in both worlds and it’s super easy to look at where you are and to long to be somewhere else.  I know what you are going through. YOU.ARE.ENOUGH.  You are loved. You are seen.  You are beautiful. You are forgiven.

You are where you are called to be.  Right now.  In this moment.  Take a deep breath and smile.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Cor 10:31

PS – These are actual events, I took notes this morning.

PPS – I still haven’t finished my coffee yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey Mom Guilt, You’re Dumb

6 Dec

When I was young, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I always knew it would be something in the Business field. My last 3 jobs were the assistant to a CEO, assistant to a President and an assistant to a VP.  I was the go-to person.  The one expected to have all the answers and if I didn’t, I needed to find them yesterday.

At this point, I had 1 daughter. Even tho I loved working, I felt guilty every time I dropped her off in the morning. I felt guilty when I wasn’t able to be at all her school events.  And I felt guilty when I didn’t make special, homemade treats for her classmates on her birthday.

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When I had my second daughter I quit my job to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM.)

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I was now able to do all those things that made me feel guilty for missing so I should have been happy right??  Nope!! I went through a major identity crisis and kinda went crazy.  I felt guilty because I wasn’t working and “contributing” to the family.  I found my identity in making money. Once that was taken away from me, I didn’t know who I was.  I felt like a liability to our family instead of an asset.  (The sad thing is this was the second time I went through this not making money identity crisis thing. But that is for a different blog on another day.)

I have 3 daughters now and I won’t say I’m over the crazy, I’m a hot mess and that will never change, but I’m over the identity crisis.

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I am a SAHM. I have food smeared on my shirt, pick up toys, vacuum the floors, do the dishes, the laundry, constantly tell a toddler “stop that” and change 1 million diapers every day.  Right now, my place is in the home and I’m, ok with that. I love that I stay home.  I’m fortunate my husband works hard so I can.

We went grocery shopping today.  The toddler threw a fit because I wouldn’t let her have the “brown pretzels” or walk around barefoot and the baby puked everywhere.  Oh well. I just had to deal with it and move on.  We all survived, therefore I’ll call this grocery store experience a success!

Mammas, listen to me.

Let go of the mom guilt that creeps up and realize YOU.ARE.AWESOME!!!  No matter where you find yourself BE YOU!  You are setting an example for the little people watching you and your actions teach more than your words. If you are a SAHM, rock it! You’re doing the hard work that no one sees but all appreciate.  If you’re a working mom, rock it! You’re showing your kids responsibility and work ethic.

Formula vs. breast milk.  Cloth diapers vs. disposables. Fresh green beans vs. canned. Organic vs. non organic. Day care vs. nanny. Public school vs. homeschool.  Frozen vs. homemade lasagna.  The list goes on and on…

Your life doesn’t have to look like anybody elses so don’t let their opinions get to you.   It’s your life so live it.  Love your babies to the best of your ability.  Take a deep breath.  It’s all gonna be ok.

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So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Cor 10:31.

Jammies With Feet

4 Jan

So as most of my readers know, I’m currently pregnant with my 3rd child.  I could go on and on about all the great things being a mom entails like unconditional love and good night kisses.  But I’m gonna be honest, my 2 favorite things are pinching dimply baby booties and jammies with feet.  We have a bath time routine of walking around the house and everyone pinches Willow’s sweet 20 month old booty.  The other day my husband was taking a shower and Willow was walking around the house looking for him and got sad when I put her in the bath without a booty pinch from her papa.

Jammies with feet are on a whole ‘nother level.  There is nothing cuter than a little girl walking around in fuzzy jammies with little monkey ears on her toes.  (I made up a song about jammies with feet, this proves my love.) But they have to be the kind with zippers.  The button up ones are the Devil.  Who ever decided it was a good idea to make a sleep deprived parent button up 15 buttons at 3am only to find the last button doesn’t match up will have a lot to answer for on judgement day.  I was changing Willow’s diaper and found a Christmas ornament caught in the foot and my husband found a few pens down there as well.  I never thought about it but I guess jammies with feet make the perfect place to stash things.

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That got me thinking, aren’t we just like those darn jammies.  We walk around looking all cute and put together but deep down we’re hiding things.

We want you to think your words don’t phase us, but deep down they’re killing us. We want you to think we are totally secure, qualified enough, put together enough, organized enough and in the perfect marriage.  We want you to think our kids are the best, our house is always this clean and we never burn the meatloaf.

No one is all of these things so why do we try?  Why do we put so much effort into being what we’re not?  Why do we care so much about what others think of us?

I know it’s hard not to let outside voices in but the truth is, there is only one voice that matters.  God’s. God says you are loved. Beautiful. Seen. Known. Matter. Heard. Holy. Righteous. Strong. Brave. The son or daughter of a heavenly king. Forgiven. Redeemed…YOU.ARE.ENOUGH.

So many things are thrown at us daily, fighting for our attention.  We need to learn what to focus on.  We need to learn the voice of truth.  We need to learn how to love ourselves and quit killing ourselves trying to be something we’re not.  Let’s quit being jammies with feet.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

 

2nd Grade…insert happy dance!

26 Aug

It that time again.  It comes once a year.  It’s when all the stay home parents say “AMEN” they get some peace and quiet again and it’s that time when all the working parents say “AMEN” because they no longer have to pay a fortune on all day child care.  If you don’t what I’m talking about you must not have kids.  If you have kids you know exactly what time it is…BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!!!!

Going back to school is a wonderful day.  I am a stay home mom so this girl will be walking down the hall at 7:45am with a HUGE smile on my face doing the happy dance. But it takes a lot of preparation for this day tho.

For the last 2 weeks we have been going to bed early and getting up early.  I have a daughter that moves at the speed of molasses so mornings are stressful as we try to keep her focused and on track.  This is why we have been practicing for the last 2 weeks.  My goal is that I don’t end up screaming something like “put your doll down!  If I have to tell you to brush your teeth one more time I will just drag you to school with yucky teeth and morning breath and all the kids will call you the smelly kid and you don’t want to be the smelly kid!” (I am happy to report that no screaming, either from her or me, occurred!)

This day means literally seeing your kids get a year older.  This day means they go off on their own.  This day means they make their own choices.  Will they be good choices?  Will they be the choices you would make for them?  This day means, as parents, we let our grip on them loosen up a little bit more.  This day means they gain a little more independence.

The first day of school is wrapped up with all kinds of emotions for the kids as well as us the parents.  I am the mom that walks her child to class.  But I don’t just say bye at the door.  No sir!  I walk right in the classroom and kiss her goodbye in front of all her classmates.  I want the kids in her class to know me.  I want the kids to feel comfortable around me, but I also want them to know I if they mess with her, they have to see my face the next morning.

I am entrusting her to the teacher.  Teachers…BLESS THEM!  They have to put up with our crazy kids.  They have to wipe tears and settle disputes.  They have to teach the same thing to kids who learn differently.  They have to be stern and patient at the same time.  They have to be leaders and encouragers and stand in the gap for kids who’s parents aren’t pulling their weight.

This is my prayer for my daughter:

Lord, watch over Danica. Let her day be filled with wonder and new things. Help her make friends and get along with others. Let her not compromise herself to fit in. Help her to remember what is right and wrong and to choose right. Give her strength to defend herself and others against bullies. When the test is hard, let her remember she is smart. When girls are mean, let her remember she is loved. When boys are smooth, let her remember they are dumb. When she’s overwhelmed, let her remember your peace. Please help her to remember she is not alone and You are with her when momma and papa are not. Keep her safe and let her get really smart so when we’re old; she can afford to put us in a luxury nursing home.

Congratulations to everyone who survived the summer!!!  Happy first day of school!

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

34

16 Jun

Last week I turned 34. 

It didn’t hit me hard, which is good, because I wasn’t anticipating it would.  It was just another day, well almost, the only difference was this day revolved around me.  😉 

I woke up early.  No excuses today.  I had a point to prove; I had to 34 who’s boss.  I vetoed sleeping late and breakfast in bed and ran 5 miles.  While running, I think and pray but mostly try not to fall because I’m too busy singing and dancing to my “Spice Girls” station on Pandora.  I don’t care what my husband says its the best station ever!  It plays everything from NKOTB to Destiny’s Child to Justin Timberlake to Paula Abdul…pure greatness!

My husband bought me running shoes for my birthday.  It’s like pulling teeth to get me to buy a new pair.  I will run them into the ground till my toes are about to fall off before I get new ones.  I found a beautiful, full priced, pink pair but decided to look at the clearance wall because that’s what I do.  I found the same shoe for $20 less but it was blue.  I hate paying full price for anything but I really wanted the pink pair.  My husband knew there was an internal conflict commencing in my brain and he MADE me get the pink ones…I’m glad he did because they are amazing.  I ran 5 miles the next day as well and decided to cash in my free birthday drink from Starbucks.  Thanks to social media, I snapped a picture and shared it with the whole world. lol

birthday shoes

34 has been good to me.  I have 2 daughters and a wonderful husband who works hard so I can stay home with them.  13 years ago when I was off earning my Bachelor’s Degree I never expected to be a stay home mom.  Some days are hard and I think I’m crazy for wanting another baby.  Some days are a cake walk and I think I can handle 5 more.  It’s funny how life turns out.  Just when we think we’ve got it figured out something gives.

Noting in this life is sure, there are no guarantees.  The only constant we have is God’s love.  No matter what gets thrown at us, what takes our breath away, or what drops us to our knees, we can rest in the fact that we are not alone.  God is with us.  He fights our battles for us when we are too weak.  He loves us.  He sees us and will never leave us.

Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid and do not panic before them.  For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you.  He will never fail you or abandon you.  Deut 31:6.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Pat Yourself on the Back

3 Jun

Today I was texting my pastor (well, he’s more than a pastor, he’s my friend, mentor, husband to a dear friend, father to amazing kids, Jesus lover and world changer)…anyway…I gave him a compliment for working so hard on our church’s new website.  The funny thing is, he wasn’t looking for a compliment and almost didn’t take it.  Sometimes compliments catch us by surprise.  Sometimes we don’t think we deserve them.  Sometimes we desperately crave one but no one is there to offer one.

If you don’t know this about me, I’m a Stay Home Mom.  I went into labor at work (was in denial so I drove myself to the hospital only to find out I was dilated to a 6) and never returned after my maternity leave.  It wasn’t planned it just happened.

I spend my days with a 13 month old while the big one’s at school (Summer Break starts in 2 days so I’m soaking in my last 48 hours of 1 child at my heels all day long.)  It only took a year, but I feel like I finally got this stay home mom thing down. The baby sleeps through the night now (angels sing hallelujah) which is a game changer and I can take on the world!  I can breath again, I finally stopped be a sleep-deprived-crank-monkey and started being silly again.  And now we’re gonna mess it up because we’re trying for another baby.

Today is Wednesday and Wednesday nights are hectic.  I rush home after the big one gets out of dance practice and throw something on the stove for dinner, we scarf it down then my husband runs out the door for worship practice.  Well, I planned ahead today.  I’m making Sloppy Joes for dinner; fancy, I know.  It’s 10 am I just chopped the onion, bell pepper and mushrooms because I knew I wouldn’t have time tonight.  I put the container of veggies in the fridge and stood there smiling feeling pretty proud of myself…this must be what Edmund Hillary felt like after conquering Mt Everest!

I look around and no one is here to join in my celebratory dance.  No one is here to say good job Katie or give me a hi-five.  No one is here to see that I just saved me 15 minutes of precious time in dinner preparation.  This is my company right now, and I’m not about to wake that sleeping giant:

Willow

Dear mamma out there about to pull your hair out.  I know you have days where you feel unnoticed or unappreciated. I know you have days where you spend all day taking care of a young child, or maybe your day is spent taking care of an elderly parent, and you just feel unseen.  I know, I have days like that too.

The truth is you are seen.  You are noticed.  YOU.ARE.LOVED.  You are the daughter of a heavenly king and He sees everything you do.  He created the awe inspiring beauty of the stars down to the subtle beauty of a daisy and He created you.  He knew you from the beginning of time and has loved you ever since!

God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.  I’m an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking.  You know when I leave and when I get back; I’m never out of your sight.  You know everything I’m going to say before I start the first sentence.  I look behind me and you’re there, then up ahead and you’re there, too – your reassuring presence, coming and going.  This is too much, too wonderful – I can’t take it all in!  Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight?  If I climb to the sky, you’re there! If I go underground, you’re there!  If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, You’d find me in a minute – you’re already there waiting!  Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I’m immersed in the light!”  It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.  Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb.  I thank you, High God – you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration – what a creation!  You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.  Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.  Your thoughts – how rare, how beautiful! God, I’ll never comprehend them!  I couldn’t even begin to count them – any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you! – Psalm 139:1-18 The Message
All those little things you do today that will go unnoticed, they’re noticed.  Sometimes we get too busy to point them out or say thank you so I’m gonna say it.  Mamma, thank you for all you do, go ahead and pat your self on the back, you deserve it!  Tonight, when you tuck a sweet one in and steel one last kiss and hear a sleepily whispered “I love you,” breathe that moment in.  You worked hard today.  You loved and that’s what matters.
Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

Stop Thinking!

28 May

Me: “Good thing you don’t have homework tonight; you’ll need to get ready for dance as soon as you get home from school.”

7 year old daughter, Danica: “Ugh grrrr, hmmm”

Me: “Um, is there a werewolf in the back seat?”

Danica: “No…”

Me: “Ok, do you want to tell me why you’re growling?”

Danica: “The dance recital is coming up and I’m afraid I’ll mess up.”

Me: “Oh baby, I mess up all the time.”

Danica: “I know.”

Me: “Thanks for that. The only perfect person who ever walked this earth was whom?”

Danica: “Jesus.”

This happened a few days ago and I can’t stop thinking about it.  Did I handle it correctly?  How do I validate her feelings while trying to calm her fears?  How do I tell her it’s normal to be scared yet reassure her everything will be ok?  How do I turn this everyday conversation into a meaningful, heartfelt one?

Well first, I stop thinking because I can think myself into a headache.  And when I have a headache I want a Coke, and I don’t need a Coke, so stop thinking Katie!

All I can do is listen.  I’m great listener but a not so good calmer.  My first response it to say “calm down killer.  In the grand scheme of life your dance recital won’t make one bit of difference.”  This is usually when my husband steps in and reminds me that in her 7 year old world, this isn’t just a big deal, it’s the only deal.  I try to focus on the big picture so much that I forget the small moments matter because they make up the big picture.

I hope I’m not the only mamma out there struggling with this.  I hope I’m not the only one who worries that I trample over her feelings, that I give bad advice or that I gave advice when all she wanted was a hug.  I tell her “when life gets hard, shake your booty.”  I try so hard to make her tough that I forget she’s 7 and just wants me to wipe her tears and kiss her elbow.

To all the mammas out there (and the papas, I know a few of you read my blog) you’re doing a great job!  Stop thinking and just be.  Be the listener, the advice giver and the hugger.  If you mess up, be the parent that says you’re sorry.  Relax and just breathe; your kids think you’re way better than you think you are.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.