Archive | July, 2014

Uncertainty

28 Jul

So I find myself in very familiar yet very uncomfortable territory. We’ve been here several times in the 13 years that Brandn and I have been married, and let me tell you, it never gets easier. Billions of people around the world live in this same territory so I know I’m not alone, but that doesn’t make it any easier either.

We are currently living in the land of no insurance. I quit my job to stay home with our girls and when the month was up, so was our insurance. Every few years something happens and we are at this place again. I hate it here. I am anxious and I cry and stress out (actually I do this even when we have insurance but I’ll blame it on no insurance for now.) But the truth is, we make it through it every time.

I applied for insurance last week and we are currently in the “reviewing” period which could take 30-45 days. This is when fear creeps in. This is when my mind wanders and every fever, cough or car ride is a potential trip to the emergency room and a fat bill.

Psalm 31:23 says “Love the Lord you godly ones, for the Lord protects those that are faithful to him.” I have been praying this over my family for years. This prayer once allowed Brandn to levitate to avoid stepping on a rattle snake out in the middle of no where.

The sad part is I find my comfort in a small, plastic insurance card when I should find my comfort in God and trust Him to be in control. Why is this? Why do I doubt and allow fear into my heart at times like these? My only answer is I’m human. If I could live a fearless life, I wouldn’t need Him. God knows my weakness, He created me. He knows where I fail; and this is one reoccurring area.

When we first moved to Austin and insurance less, I was a hot mess, but God showed up in big ways. I know He’s always here, but at that time, He knew I needed some obvious and immediate slap-my-face reassurance, so He gave them to me.

Well, I’m back in the same place I was before. We went out of town a few days ago which involved 3 hours of interstate highway travel. You better believe I was praying for protection the whole time. Well, obviously we didn’t die so I’m giving God the praise on this one.

Looking back, God has NEVER failed me, so why would I think He would start now? God promises me He will never fail or forsake me, that He has a prosperous plan for my future, that He sees me and loves me and will protect me and my family.

I have been holding onto this song. If you find yourself walking through uncertain times, listen and meditate on the words. These…words…are…truth!

 

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

 

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