My Brain Hurts

23 Jan

I wish the red “Easy” button from Staples was real. I know you can buy one, but I wish it would actually work. I would use it on my brain. I would tell it to shut up and then hit the button. I’m doing a Beth Moore study now and she said “Is it just me, or are ya’ll tired of easy answers?” Ummmm….NO! I would love an easy answer right now. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, there is a reason my blog is called Ridiculouskatie and I end each post with “welcome to my brain.” My brain, it’s a beautiful thing (can you feel the sarcasm?)

Lots of stuff on my brain but for your sake; I’ll just stick with one.

I can’t stop thinking about orphans and how I need to help them. Stop rolling your eyes and thinking orphans, there she goes again….stick with me here. As badly as I want to bring them all to my house and feed them and hug them and kiss their heads and wipe their tears and try to show them the love of Jesus on a level they can grasp and give them fun band-aids; don’t underestimate the powerful awesomeness of fun band-aids. I know 2 little girls that a fun band-aid will cure ANYTHING! I want to do all of that so badly that it physically hurts my heart that I’m not. I will do all that one day and I look forward to that day; but that day is not today.

In the past week I have had 4 people speak the same, yet different, message to me. They will remain nameless but if you’re reading this you know who you are. 🙂

I was told I’m too hard on myself and I expect way too much of myself. (The reason I expect so much of myself is Jesus expects so much of me. From Genesis to Revelations we are told hundreds of times to take care of the poor.) They told me I need to take a step back and realize that even though I’m not doing those things, I am doing things. That my family is my first ministry and I’m called to love and serve and show the love of Jesus right where I am; right where He has called me. I need to take it easy on myself b/c if I’m constantly bringing myself down, I’m absolutely no good to those around me. If I’m constantly looking elsewhere and ignoring what’s in front of me have failed EPICALLY!

So what does this mean? I’m still trying to figure that out. But in the meantime (“in the meantime” is not my favorite place to be. When I’m here, I’m forced to wait, learn, stretch and grow. These are all very important but hard and like I said at the beginning, I’m looking for that easy button right now.) I will love my husband and try not to complain to him everyday about my job, I will love on Danica even though her love language means playing “kitty-kitty town” or “grocery store” for hours. I will love my church and my church family. I will do better with keeping in touch with my family not in Austin and I will love those around me even if they are strangers.

If you’re reading this, you didn’t jump ship at the first mention of orphans, and I thank you.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

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