I’m the first person to blab on myself when I do something stupid. One of my goals in life is to make people laugh and I do some funny stuff, so naturally I enjoy sharing my experiences with others. Like the one time I walked out of the bathroom, at work, with my dress tucked into my panties…did I say 1 time? I meant 2 times. So if I’m gonna blab on myself when I do silly stuff, I should blabv about my failures too.
I’m going to be 100% honest and transparent so please don’t judge me and please continue to like me.
I’m a church planter and a pastor’s wife so some people may think I’m supposed to be “holier than others” and they expect more out of me. Well I’m human and I’m far from perfect. Since moving to Austin God has really been dealing with me about loving others. Not friends and family others but strangers, specifically homeless people. (I’m not looking for a debate about giving homeless people money or not, I’m just telling you about what God’s placing on my heart.)
I drive past a homeless man every Sunday on the way to church. I have occasionally offered him food in the past and one time I had a conversation with him and he made me cry because he said the stuff I offered him was pointless and homeless people don’t really need that stuff. This pissed me off and I drove away crying. Was I mad because he hurt my feelings or was I mad because he knocked me off my “high horse” and I wasn’t able to be his rescuer that morning? It was a little of both. Yes, I wanted to help him BUT I knew that helping him would make me feel better about myself and I wanted to leave that situation feeling like a hero. He didn’t let me do that, hence the pissed off tears.
Well 3 weeks ago God moved in my heart and I decided to bring him breakfast every week. Sunday mornings are pretty hectic at our house and I’m kinda forgetful so I set a reminder on my phone to go off at 7:45am reminding me to grab him something. Last Sunday I rolled down my window and asked him his name; it’s Lawrence. I handed him some peanut butter crackers and a banana and told him I drive past him every Sunday on the way to church and I plan on bringing him breakfast every Sunday.
This morning my reminder went off and I grabbed a granola bar and a banana. We hit Starbucks on the way to church and I was enjoying my no-fat, vanilla latte. (The purchases this morning brought me to gold member status and I was feeling pretty good about this. This new gold-member status doesn’t mean anything…well, actually it means I drink way too much Starbucks…thanks for the gift card Robert!)
As we approached Lawrence I felt a tugging at my heart and I thought “Oh crap, God wants me to give my no-fat vanilla, latte to Lawrence.” I tried to ignore the tugging but it didn’t go away. I had been looking forward to my coffee since last night and I didn’t want to part with it. I actually thought I’m giving him breakfast, I don’t need to give him my coffee too. Well we pulled up to give Lawrence the food and let me tell you how totally relieved I was when I saw he was already drinking a Starbucks coffee, thank you Jesus, I didn’t have to part with mine.
God is love. He calls us to love others, no, He commands us to love others. We’re supposed to love others like HE loves them, not how WE WANT to love them. This is a hard lesson and I’m still learning it.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31
Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.