Tears, toilets and houses

10 May

Started working on a blog about how I was having a “bla” day today. I deleted it because it sucked. So now I’m on to my second blog of the day.  I think I pulled out of the funk, thanks for asking. lol

D just asked me “Mom, do you remember crying in the bathroom?”  Yes, yes I do.  I’m not sure which cry fest she was referring to but I have had many cry fests in the bathroom at work.  That’s where I go to to cry.  My boss is a man and I don’t want him to see me cry.  I’ve cried in front of him twice, once when I made a HUGE mistake and had to fess up and I don’t remember the other time.  It must have been so awful that I blocked it from my memory.  I swear he thinks I’m an idiot and probably questions his decision to hire me on a daily basis.  I think he either hired me out of desperation or maybe he owed his friend, my boss in San Angelo, a favor.

I’m a self diagnosed cry baby.  I can’t talk about anything personal with out crying.  I can’t give a prayer request with out crying.  I feel the tears welling up and then I stop talking, say “Ugh, I’m such a cry baby” and hold my hand in front of my face, make a circle motion with my finger and point to my tears; as if you couldn’t see them already.

Since moving to Austin I’ve had a lot of cry fests, but they have slowed down a bit.  When we first moved her everything was new and stressful and I felt overwhelmed.  I’m not saying I’ve got this Austin thing down, but I do feel more comfortable here.  We are starting to look at houses and we’re about to apply for a loan.  I figured out that part of my funk today was realizing that houses are so much more expensive here and I’m pretty sure we can’t afford to live where we want to.  We bought a super cute house in San Angelo, in a decent neighborhood for 40k; 40k won’t even buy a crack house in Austin.  I’m really trying not to stress; it will work out.

God has proven himself in the past and His past faithfulness is proof of His future faithfulness.  His fingerprints are all over our journey to Austin and I know He won’t turn His back on us now.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.

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