When it comes to my friends and family, I’m an optimistic, when it comes to myself I’m worse than a pessimistic.
I can blow smoke up any body’s butt. I can encourage you and be your biggest cheerleader. I can quote scripture, and believe it. I can pray for/with you and fully believe the prayers will be answered. I can turn tears into laughter…I can do all that for other people. I believe the glass is half full and we can fill the other half with rainbows, butterflies and bubbles.
When it comes to me, I’m 100% doom and gloom. I think the glass is half empty. Correction. I KNOW the glass is bone dry and I will throw it across the room and shatter it on the wall so it will be broken into 1 million pieces and never hold water again. You think I’m exaggerating, I tend to do that, but this is no exaggeration.
Why is this? Why do I believe things will work out for other people but not me? I know God sees me. I know God hears me. I know He loves me and will never leave me. So why do I have so little faith? Good question.
Last night sucked and the suckiness spilled over into this morning. I cried all the way to work and what was supposed to be a “thank-you for being thoughtful” message to someone turned into a “the end of the world cry-fest.” His response??? A very sincere, heart-felt, much appreciated prayer. He prayed for Brandn and me. I have literally prayed some of those exact words over other people and believed with all my heart those words were true. So why do I not believe them to be true for me? I guess it’s easier to stay in my state of panic than it is to pull out of it. When I get in this state of mind I find I can pull out of it by praying for other people, it takes my focus off me and my issue.
When I start honoring God and praying for other people it reminds all these good things and promises God has for others, He has for me too.
Will this teach me a lesson and help me to not freak out in the future? Ummm…..NO. That’s part of me. I freak out when ever money is involved and money is always involved so I always freak out. When I am freaking out, if you (and by “you” I mean Brandn) quote me scripture, I will punch you. Brandn has recently learned NOT to quote me Matthew 6 or Philippians 4:6 but instead to say “you’re right, this does suck but we will get through it.” This usually makes me laugh and I start pulling through soon after.
This verse got me through some rough times, I hope it does the same for you: “Love the Lord you godly ones for the Lord protects those that are faithful to Him.” – Psalms 31:23
Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.