Grab a Bottle

28 Dec

I have a 9 year old daughter.  She makes me a better person. I thank God every night that he chose me to be her mom, that I get to love her and kiss her anytime I want (If you see the cute little boy from Sweet Home Alabama, you are my people!) I pray constantly that she’ll grow into a Godly woman. She has the sweetest heart and I look at her and I’m in awe.

Then I walk into her room and all the warm fuzzies are gone!  Not just gone, but dead, buried under a 2 foot pile of dog poo.  This room is my demise.  I try to ignore it as long as I can and suppress my feelings, but it never lasts.  Inevitably, I crack.  Then I go into a throwing out rage.  My daughter and I fight.  EVERYTHING.IS.SPECIAL.  Toys that she has completely forgotten about all of a sudden become the world’s greatest toy and she will tell me who gave it to her and all why her life will be utterly destroyed if I chunk it. Things are said, feelings are hurt and tears are shed. It gets ugly and I’m not proud of myself in these moments.

We got her a bunk bed for Christmas.  In order for it to fit, we had to get rid of her 3 foot tall Barbie house.  Barbie can’t be homeless so getting rid of her house means getting rid of her (all 15 of them) and her million outfits and shoes and purses and car, and if you can’t tell, I hate Barbie.  I hate everything about her and the thought of removing all of it from our house made we way happier than it should.

But I didn’t want to fight with my 9 year old and I was dreading the meltdown that was in my very near future.  I swear the Holy Spirit spoke to me.  He said “Katie, sweet and beautiful Katie with whom I am pleased.  Pour yourself a glass of wine, actually, forget the glass and grab the bottle.  Disregard the fact that it’s only 8:46 in the morning.  Let her binge watch Netflix and get in that room.”

Yall, when the Holy Spirit speaks, YOU LISTEN! I was me versus the closet.  I had God on my side so I knew I would be victorious. I shut the door so she could not enter.  The rule was she couldn’t ask me what I threw away.  Out of a whole pile, she only busted me on 1 toy, so I gave it back.

closet

Her room is so cozy, she has a reading corner and Christmas lights.  In one afternoon, it transformed from little girl’s to a big girl’s room.  She aged before my eyes.  My baby is growing is up.  I remember the day she was born, her first steps, and her first day of pre-K.  Now she gets things for me when I’m too lazy to walk across the entire grocery store and she’s on a dance team with teen agers.  She’s big, but not too big to be dropped off at her classroom door or snuggle every night at bed time.  She’s growing up and I can’t do anything about that, but for now, I’ll just hang on to her while I’m still cool.

d

 

Which Part Wins

19 Dec

Part of me know I had to do it.  Part of me didn’t want to.  Part of me knew Jesus was in this moment.  Part of me didn’t want to. Part of me knew I was standing on Holy ground. Part of me didn’t want to. Part of me wanted to walk away and pretend I never saw her. Part of me didn’t want to.

Fast forward 3 hours to church.  We sang this song.

For the unclean, the unholy
For the broken, the unworthy
You came, Jesus you came

For the wounded, for the hurting
For the lost, and for the lonely
You came, Jesus you came

I was wrecked!  Gone.  Tears wouldn’t stop. It was ugly.

Then the pastor said this:

When Jesus stepped ashore, he was met by a demon-possessed man from the town. For a long time this man had not worn clothes or lived in a house, but had lived in the tombs. Luke 8:26 (If you don’t know this story, Jesus heals him.)

The woman from the morning, was this man.

She was demon possessed. Her demon came in the form of drugs, and she was bound.  She was hallucinating. In this moment, she was reliving events from her past that no one should have to endure, ever. She was in pain. She made me uncomfortable.  I din’t want the kids with us to see or hear her. I wanted to walk away, so, I did.

This woman lived on the streets, her house was a pile of dirty blankets.

Her life was a tomb, she was living in death.  I can’t imagine living her life.  To be bound. To see no way out.  To have to use drugs to make it through the day.  To try and forget the past; but to relive it daily.

I talk a lot about being the hands and feet of Jesus. It’s not that hard right? If your church is collecting items for the needy, it’s easy to plan ahead and buy extra items from the store, or clean out your closet and donate clothes you don’t like anymore.  But when you don’t plan ahead.  When the moment is unexpected and raw.  When you have a decision to make right then and there, it’s hard.

The grace of Jesus is he give us second chances. Peter denied Jesus 3 times before Jesus’s death.  But by grace, he was given a second chance after Jesus’s resurrection to profess his love for Jesus 3 times.

Like the above song says.  Jesus came for unclean, unholy, broken, unworthy, wounded, hurting, lost and lonely.  These words described the woman in front of me.  Jesus came for her.  I needed to bring Jesus to her, in a way she could see and feel. But the truth is, those words describe me too.  Its easy to look at people and be cynical.  To judge them and their life choices. Jesus came for her just as much as me.

I was given a second chance too.  I ended up face to face with the woman when I realized she didn’t have shoes. (Did I mention it was 20 degrees outside?)  I knew what I had to do. Part of me didn’t want to.

I was crying when I got in the van.  One of the young girls with us asked if I was crying because I gave her my shoes and was so happy to help her.  BLESS.  I told her “No.  I’m crying because I really liked those shoes.”

socks

I’m not as selfless as I would like to be.  Selfless is hard.  But when the opportunity presents it’s self, which part wins?

Less Than 3 Hours

12 Dec

6:06 am –  Got up.

Chug a glass of water/get a cup of coffee.

Move the Elf on the Shelf that I forgot to move last night.

Wake up oldest daughter/make her lunch and get her ready for school.

Clean up milk said child spilled.

Put laundry in washing machine.

Wash breakfast dishes.

Put middle child on potty and bribe her with jelly beans.

Clean up jellybeans.

Email adoption papers for some lovely friends.

Add UpScale DownHome cookbook to my husband’s Amazon “wish list.”  This is the only thing I want for Christmas and if he knows what’s best for  him, he’ll order it for me. (Love you bunches babe!)

Get middle child dressed.

Get myself dressed.  (I’m usually rocking comfy pants when my husband comes home but I got a new sweater the other day and I wore it to church yesterday and got several compliments so I decided rewearing a sweater is better than my usual pink sweatpants.)

Cut the middle child’s fingernails.

Put laundry in dryer.

Cook some eggs. (We have chickens and ducks, and for the life of me, I have no idea which kind I cooked.  I’m backyard illiterate.)

Convince middle child chocolate chips are not breakfast.

Kinda open a cheesestick  but not all the way because she HAS to open it “by myself.”

Tell same child stop yelling at the dog because the dog is NOT trying to eat her cheesestick.

w

Eat cold eggs. (Hey, at least I know they are eggs.)

Share cold eggs with middle child even tho she said she didn’t want any. (Yes I know I do the same thing with my husband, especially if he has french fries, he says it’s super annoying. But we’ve been married for 15 years so he should know better.)

Plead with middle child to drink apple juice out of the orange cup because juice is already in it and I don’t want to wash ANOTHER cup.

Get green cup.

Hear baby wake up and look at clock.

9:02…9:02!!  You’re freakin’ kidding me!!!! It’s only 9:02?!?!? I’ve been up less than 3 hours and I feel like I’ve run a marathon.  Actually I’ve never ran a full marathon.  I’ve ran a half marathon and I’m more tired right now than I was after crossing the finish line.

I’ve reheated my coffee twice and I still haven’t finished it yet.

Mommas. This is life isn’t it?

Yesterday, at church my pastor was talking about “being called.”  We might not be living the life we imagined but we are called to live the life we have.  Whether we realize it or not, we have a circle of influence and it’s up to us to influence it positively or negatively.

You might be a stay at home mom who’s screaming on the inside because you desperately want to get back to an office.  Like everyday you are away, you’re loosing a piece of you. To make deals, close accounts, make bigger decisions than what leggins go with what shirt.  To sit at a desk and drink a hot cup of coffee in peace while catching up on morning emails. Stay at home momma, keep rocking your messy bun; you have earned every beautiful hair out of place.  You are a CEO and doing what it takes to run a successful household, you’re providing a loving and safe place for your babies when they come home from school.

You might be a working mom feeling guilty every second you’re away.  Desperately wishing you were the one rocking that baby of yours to sleep. Longing for the day when you can stay home and make homemade spaghetti sauce instead of opening a jar.  That you were the one kissing skinned knees and wiping away the tears. Working momma, keep rocking your business attire.  You are doing what it takes to pay the bills and to make sure your babies are feed, safe and warm at night.

I’ve been a momma in both worlds and it’s super easy to look at where you are and to long to be somewhere else.  I know what you are going through. YOU.ARE.ENOUGH.  You are loved. You are seen.  You are beautiful. You are forgiven.

You are where you are called to be.  Right now.  In this moment.  Take a deep breath and smile.

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Cor 10:31

PS – These are actual events, I took notes this morning.

PPS – I still haven’t finished my coffee yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey Mom Guilt, You’re Dumb

6 Dec

When I was young, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I always knew it would be something in the Business field. My last 3 jobs were the assistant to a CEO, assistant to a President and an assistant to a VP.  I was the go-to person.  The one expected to have all the answers and if I didn’t, I needed to find them yesterday.

At this point, I had 1 daughter. Even tho I loved working, I felt guilty every time I dropped her off in the morning. I felt guilty when I wasn’t able to be at all her school events.  And I felt guilty when I didn’t make special, homemade treats for her classmates on her birthday.

d

 

When I had my second daughter I quit my job to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM.)

w

I was now able to do all those things that made me feel guilty for missing so I should have been happy right??  Nope!! I went through a major identity crisis and kinda went crazy.  I felt guilty because I wasn’t working and “contributing” to the family.  I found my identity in making money. Once that was taken away from me, I didn’t know who I was.  I felt like a liability to our family instead of an asset.  (The sad thing is this was the second time I went through this not making money identity crisis thing. But that is for a different blog on another day.)

I have 3 daughters now and I won’t say I’m over the crazy, I’m a hot mess and that will never change, but I’m over the identity crisis.

l

I am a SAHM. I have food smeared on my shirt, pick up toys, vacuum the floors, do the dishes, the laundry, constantly tell a toddler “stop that” and change 1 million diapers every day.  Right now, my place is in the home and I’m, ok with that. I love that I stay home.  I’m fortunate my husband works hard so I can.

We went grocery shopping today.  The toddler threw a fit because I wouldn’t let her have the “brown pretzels” or walk around barefoot and the baby puked everywhere.  Oh well. I just had to deal with it and move on.  We all survived, therefore I’ll call this grocery store experience a success!

Mammas, listen to me.

Let go of the mom guilt that creeps up and realize YOU.ARE.AWESOME!!!  No matter where you find yourself BE YOU!  You are setting an example for the little people watching you and your actions teach more than your words. If you are a SAHM, rock it! You’re doing the hard work that no one sees but all appreciate.  If you’re a working mom, rock it! You’re showing your kids responsibility and work ethic.

Formula vs. breast milk.  Cloth diapers vs. disposables. Fresh green beans vs. canned. Organic vs. non organic. Day care vs. nanny. Public school vs. homeschool.  Frozen vs. homemade lasagna.  The list goes on and on…

Your life doesn’t have to look like anybody elses so don’t let their opinions get to you.   It’s your life so live it.  Love your babies to the best of your ability.  Take a deep breath.  It’s all gonna be ok.

f

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Cor 10:31.

He’s Better

11 Oct

Why settle for good enough when you can have better.  Everyone wants something more. The grass is greener right?  There’s nothing wrong with wanting more, the problem is how we obtain more.  Do we go about it wisely or do we act on impulse.  Are we searching to fill an emptiness inside us causing harm along the way?

The easiest and best way to better is through Jesus.  Guys, there is nothing wrong with wanting more, just keep Jesus in the center of it all. We wrapped up a series called “Cause It’s Better.”  One of the things my pastor said was “you have to let go of the good to get to the better.”  That is so good!!! Do yourself a favor and listen.

Some of you may be thinking, I already have better (job, spouse, kids, house, money, car…) so why do I need Jesus?  Good question, I’ll tell you: BECAUSE HE’S BETTER!!!!!

Here are some examples of what Jesus does:

He turns happy to joyful. Heartbroken to whole.  Searching to answers.  Lost to found. Hurt to healed. Weary to rest. Angry to loving. Grudges to forgiving. Selfish to selfless. Broke to generous. Fear to conqueror. Weak to strong. Scared to courageous. Unloved to bride. Orphan to daughter. Pain to strength.

I will tell you from personal experience, Jesus turned my unforgiving heart to forgiving, allowing me to tear down the walls I built up and have a relationship with the person that hurt me most.  I have also conquered the way irrational fear has crippled me.  Don’t get me wrong, the devil knows fear is the way to get me, but I have learned, when I feel the fear creeping in, I stand on God’s word.  I speak truth over my heart and situation and I stay strong.

The best thing about Jesus is His gift is free.  All we have to do is accept it.  We have to realize we are a hot mess without Him and then let Him in and allow Him to do what only He can do.

better

Look at these girls.  You’d be crazy not to want better!

 

 

A Public Prayer

13 Sep

Wow, I just noticed it’s been almost 6 months since my last blog post. I’ll blame it on the fact that I have an almost 7 month old.  See what I did there?  I totally deflected responsibility.  I’m fully anticipating all 3 of my daughters spending tons of money in therapy later and everything will be my fault, its OK, I accept this.  So while I still can, I’ll blame my lack of blogmenship on them.

Now, to my actual blog…

I love music.  80s love ballads and 90s boy bands are my absolute favorite.  I have 10 Pandora stations; I never listen to just one station though, it’s always on shuffle (unless I’m running, then it’s only my Spice Girls station.)  No matter the genre, Jesus Culture, Bethel and Elevation Worship is on every one of them, so pretty much every other song is one of those bands.  Jesus Culture comes on so much that whenever my husband hears them he says “all day everyday.”

Last week at church we sang this song.  Here As In Heaven by Elevation.  Do yourself a favor and listen to it.  Now listen to it again. I can’t sing this song without busting out into prayer, I hope this song inspires you to pray too.

The atmosphere is changing now
For the spirit of the Lord is here
The evidence is all around
That the spirit of the Lord is here

Overflow in this place
Fill our hearts with your love
Your love surrounds us
You’re the reason we came
To encounter your love
Your love surrounds us

Spirit of God fall fresh on us
We need your presence
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
Here as in heaven

A miracle can happen now
For the spirit of the Lord is here
The evidence is all around
That the spirit of the Lord is here

Jesus, thank you so much for your love.  Thank you that you love me.  Thank you that we don’t have to clean ourselves up to come to you.  Thank you that you wait for us with open arms.  That you see us and know us.  That you make us better.  Thank you that you walk with us.  That you aren’t a statue on the wall but you’re alive right now and walking amongst us.  Thank you that your blood was shed for me, that I’m forgiven.  Thank you that the devil has to flee at your name.  Thank you that you are the one true God and that all names bow before you.  Thank you for turning heartbreak to joy and ugly to beautiful. That you come in and do what only you can do.  Thank you that through you, we are victorious.  That chains are broken and we can get to the other side. Amen.

Did You Know?

25 Mar

We all know the song “Mary Did You Know”  but what I want to know is Jesus, did you know?

Sunday is coming.  This Sunday is Easter.  On Easter, we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus.  We can celebrate that everyday, correction, we SHOULD celebrate that everyday but on Easter it’s different.  We celebrate the fact that Jesus rose form the dead, that he’s alive, that he’s with us and not just a statue on a wall or above our fireplace.  Humans made a mess of this world and Jesus came willingly to this earth.  He knew what was going to happen and yet he came.  He came, died and rose 3 days later for me, for you, for everyone.

I currently live in the world of newborn; I have a sweet little 5 week old.  I look at her and I’m amazed.  I’m amazed that God loved me so much that he sent me her (and her 2 older sisters.)  I watch as she looks around and takes it all in.  I hold her to my face and whisper “I love you” and I wonder if she knows what that means.  Her tiny little hands grasp my finger and I thank God for blessing me with her.

Then I think of Mary and my mind is blown!

She experienced this same beautiful love story with Jesus. WITH JESUS.  The Christ Child.  The Savior of the world.  The Beginning and the End.  Christ is the visible image of the invisible God. He existed before anything was created and is supreme over all creation.  Col 1:15   He is over all creation. When surprises come up that knock me on my butt, he is steady. He knows tomorrow.  He knows my life story and how it will end.

Did he know this as a baby?  While my newborn is looking at me trying to figure out who this crazy lady is, was Jesus looking at Mary and knowing her story?  Did he look at her and see her future heartbreak and did that break his heart?

When he took his first breath, did he know that in 33 short years, he would be taking first breaths again after he died and rose?

When he got hurt and ran to his mamma and wrapped his arms around her for a comforting hug, did he know that those arms would be stretched out on a cross for all of us?

When Mary looked at him and her heart could just burst with love, did he know that one day her heart would burst because it was breaking as she witnessed people falsely accusing him?

When he was playing with his brother James, did he know that one day James would publicly disgrace him but then become a major player in the new church?

I don’t get it.  I can’t wrap my brain around this.  So much about Christianity is a mystery, but that’s the point of faith.  All I know is, is that Jesus loves me, he loves you too.  I pray you accept his love and allow it to heal your parts that are broken.

Thanks for allowing me to share my world with you…welcome to my brain.